MORIAH, AM 2066—Admitting that he had been “punked big time,” Abraham was forced to concede today that God had emerged the clear winner of the pair’s annual April Fool’s tradition.

The prank began a few days before April 1. God approached Abraham and told him he’d have to make a burnt offering of his son, Isaac. “He didn’t suspect a thing,” said God. “Didn’t question it, just plopped him on a donkey and headed off to Moriah. I thought making him go to Moriah for it would be funny. LOL.”

“I’d built the altar, tied him up, everything,” Abraham told the Dealer. “I was just about to slaughter him, just about to. When He jumped out of that cloud—instant classic. Once Isaac and I realized what had just been pulled on us, man, we just about died laughing.”

God said that He had wanted to get back at Abraham after last year’s prank. “That fifty mina of gold that turned out to be painted stones—I knew I had to go big if I was going to top that. I think it’s safe to say I pulled it off.”

In keeping with their tradition, Abraham will now have to pay for the burgers at their annual Memorial Day Block Party.

Methuselah Jones

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