Say It With Me: Zero-Hours Contract is the Best Contract!

December 13, 1844

LIMEHOUSE–Listen here, dockworkers. For I, Lieutenant Colonel John Lowther du Plat Taylor, General Manager of the East and West India Docks Company, appeal to you all in an effort to allow you to understand the most wonderful position of employment that you are in. Every morning, you all crowd down to Canary Wharf to look for work, and often, you are offered a job. And what a job it is! Unburdened by skill, or artisanship, you can allow yourself to succumb to pure physical exertion, one of the greatest joys of the human body! If you finish quickly, you might even get a few extra pence [editor’s note: as of June 1889, don’t count on it].

What’s more, this job is very special, because it comes with absolutely no commitment whatsoever! Upon completion of work in the afternoon, you are paid your wages for this enjoyable task, and then you may go home and rest for as long as you like. Kick off your damp boots and open up the paper. If you don’t show up to the docks tomorrow, no one will be nagging you about it! Go, spend your wages on some bread and cheese, maybe even a cup of ale! If you fancy any more food, you are free to come back and petition for a chance to work again the next morning, and even in the afternoon!

So why do you all feel like you must rise up against me and my company? All because I might’ve offered some plus rates one time, and you didn’t get them? Maybe you weren’t unloading that ship fast enough. Well, really, all I want is for you all to be happy. I want you to understand what an enriching activity it is to work at these docks and to see what freedoms the zero-hours contract truly allows. Be well.

Lieutenant Colonel John Lowther du Plat Taylor