Incoming First-Year Didn’t Realize He’d Actually Have to Do His Psets

Now despondent after realizing that his Psets were part of his grade, Bartholomew Wiggins, a first-year, claimed that he “thought it was just practice.” Wiggins, who has skipped the majority of his chemistry lectures, has become aware that his A- in high school Honors Chemistry is not enough to “just wing it” on the final exam.

When questioned about why he felt confident in skipping lectures, Wiggins responded, “I just feel like I was born with natural chemistry talent so I shouldn’t have to bore myself with non-essential things, like classes, or my homework.”

“I always thought that Bart had so much potential… Now I see that he was just fucked all along,” said Dewey Higgins, Wiggins’ roommate, who has been doing his homework for him. 

“Chemistry has always been my passion,” said Wiggins, “I just want to delve deeper into it and not waste time on these formalities.”