Guy at RSO Fair Uncomfortably Eager for You to Join His Club
George Christensen, a fourth- year tabling at this year’s RSO fair, displayed a startling and frankly embarrassing desperation for first-years to join his club.
Christensen, the president of The Shadowy Trader, a campus satirical newspaper, could be seen walking around the fair, engaging new students in animated conversation and entreating them to input their contact information into his Google Form. In a particularly egregious faux-pas, he emphasized that the club was easy to join and open to everybody.
“Who wants to be part of a club that’s easy to join?” asked third-year Wesley Chang, the president of Money Money Money Money Money Money Money, a finance club on campus. “The whole point of a club is exclusivity and difficulty of access. For my RSO, we have a written application, two rounds of interviews, and at the end we put you in a dark room and beat you with a sack of grapefruits.”
First-years at the fair agreed that a club which appeared too desperate for new members was not an attractive prospect. “Whenever I see a club that’s too welcoming, I assume that they’re all a bunch of dorks,” said first-year Annika Meyer. “I heard that at the acapella auditions they do stuff to you that violates the Geneva Conventions. Now that’s a club I want to be a part of.”
By the end of the fair, even Christensen expressed some regret for his attitude during the fair: “I guess I came on a little strong. I should have been like those super cool people at The Chicago Shady Dealer, who are welcoming but not in a weird way and hold weekly meetings at Harper 145 every Sunday at 7pm. Follow them on Instagram @chicagoshadydealer.”
Jacob Halabe is a pseudonym of famously reclusive author JD Salinger. Despite reports that he died in 2010, Salinger is actually alive and well, posing as a third year History major at the University of Chicago. Jacob (ie: Salinger) is a big fan of The Shady Dealer and also serves as a co-copy editor. When not penning satire, you can find him working on his forthcoming novel The Catcher in the Rye 2: This Time It's Personal
[Note: He assumes no legal liability if -- upon reading this bio -- you are filled with the uncontrollable urge to kill John Lennon]
