I won’t lie. When I see something small and conical, I get to thinking I should stick it somewhere. I can’t be the first person to see a Martian and wonder what it would be like to stick one of them up my butt. Well apparently, I’m the first to actually do it, because now they all want revenge or something.

Ever since the first time I met a Martian, I’ve wanted to plant my ass right on top of one of their little heads. Just the way I am. I was raised like that I guess. Anyway, I was minding my own business, ass unoccupied, when this Martian came up to me asking for directions to Xylax Four. Something about a Blue Man Group concert. Well, I was eying up that pointed head of his and was thinking it would be mighty fine to have one of those up my ass right about then. So what did I do? I grabbed little Tozacz, or whatever his name was, and squeezed him up into my asshole. Yeah, it was a tight fit, but the little guy could breathe, couldn’t he? Must not have been that tight, huh!

To make a long story short, I ended up going to that Blue Man Group concert, alien-in-ass. Man, that felt good having him up in there. I would say you should try it, but by the time I removed my butt plug, the little guy started throwing all kinds of threats my way. I couldn’t tell you what the fuss was all about, but it seems like the whole Martian species is out to get me! What’s up with that?

Every time I’m out and about, they’re always giving me dirty looks. I think they’re plotting against me or some shit like that. I swear they’re following me around everywhere I go. How long will it be till they get their revenge? I don’t wanna be someone’s butt plug! Please, Martians, if any of you are reading this, stop plotting against me! All I did was use one of you as a butt plug!