Everyone Around Me Kissing??

By Evan Bernstein

Jan. 2, 2015

What?? Why??

I don’t understand!! We were all just standing around having a good time and then- what?? Everyone started kissing! Each other! With their mouths!

They’re doing it right now!!

Okay. Let me try to back up and retrace the night. We all gathered at my Aunt Cheryl’s house a couple hours ago around 9:30 PM. We said hello to friends and family. Okay. Nothing weird there.

There was a vegetable platter out for a while, but I think it’s been put away. The TV is on in the background. People were chatting over drinks. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

Until people started kissing other people right next to me!! Out of nowhere they just started pressing their mouths together into each other! With lips! Ewwww!

Why are they doing this?? Why are they all doing this?? I… I just don’t get it. My parents are kissing inches from my face, and inches from my aunt and uncle who are also kissing. They’re making kissing noises so loudly! Don’t they know they’re in a room with all their relatives? Did they forget??

Was there some kind of signal? Okay… think, Evan, think.

Oh! Some people were counting, backwards, just ten or fifteen seconds ago. Maybe that has something to do with it? 3… 2… 1… and then each person in the room kissed another person in the room. At the same time!

I’ve kissed six other people in my life. On the lips, I mean. With passion. But never in a room full of people who were also kissing! I enjoy kissing in the privacy of a room, or churchtower, or dad’s car. But I don’t think I could make the kisses right next to my family friends while they also did kissing. I don’t think I could do it!

But okay. I mean, it’s not that big a deal. They kiss. I kiss. We kiss. You probably kiss, or at least have kissed, or will kiss? It’s not that much. Okay.

I hope they stop soon.