Horribly Misguided Sign Tells Drivers To “Stop”

By Ryan Fleishman

May 13, 2016

Having driven along Wabash AvenueCrabapple Road multiple times in the last 2 weeks, residents of Chicago have unhappily realized that some absurd new sign in the road is commanding them to cease motion mid-drive.

“At first I was unsure how to react to the mysterious sign, as I had seen nothing like it before,” said Neighborhood Watchman and frequent car-user Dale Chomsky said, who elaboratinged that the sign’s structure gave him ‘bad vibes.’. “Both the red color and octagonal shape of this wayward sign betrayed the heretical nature of its message.”

The unanimous consensus of Chicago citizens is that stopping on the road is illogical, as the road is a place for cars to drive freely. “To be honest, we aren’t even sure who put that sign up. Do they even have the authority to tell us how to drive?” complained local woman Martha Rogers.

On an unrelated note, car accidents at intersections in Chicago have reached a record high.