![]()
March 9, 2017
November was an absolute shellacking. We now only have six states with both Democratic governors and state legislatures. Now that Tom Perez has won the DNC Chairmanship, our party can move on in our goal of rebuilding our party from the ground up. The progressive movement has clamored to get big money out of politics. Over here at the Democratic National Committee, believe us, we hear you.
We want big money out of politics just like you do. But in order to do that, we need to strategize. We need to harness the passion of our young people. With our Democratic Innovators for New Optimism (DINO) initiative, we will do just that. Together, we can fight the old corporate billionaires of the GOP with our own young environmentalist tech billionaires.
At 55 years old, Tom Perez understands what young voters want and is up to date with your interests He even watches TV! After hearing about it from the HBO show, Tom Perez visited Silicon Valley “to get the real world experience.” He was inspired by what he saw. The GOP can smear liberal environmentalists all they want with their billions of dollars. We can fight this with people power. Through expertly individualized micro-targeted messaging, we can get every voting bloc to unite with us. Since when has telling different people what they want to hear even if some groups don’t get along ever not worked?
This isn’t enough, though. In order to clean up our politics, we have to fight big money. Since people make money, money power is people power too! Conservative rich people and their reckless greed are why this country entered a deep recession. Young, progressive tech liberals? These are the perfect examples of DINOs! We won’t ask any questions. As long as they’re roughly in our ideological camp, we value their support, both moral and financial. These young DINOs won’t just make the next big startup like Uber, Snapchat, or yet another fucking food-ordering app. They’ll start up our politics too!
Rumor has it Elon Musk is mulling over a run for Congress, with the cornerstone of his campaign being a call for NASA to “begin our terraforming plans and save humanity.”
