Ask Grorg

By Grorg – Lascaux, 45,000 BCE

May 1, 2018

Dear Grorg,

Me Want Relationship, But Only Man Around Is Neanderthal. Still hit?

From: Cavewoman Seeking Caveman

Hello Cavewoman,

As somebody who have Neanderthal brother-in-law, me can speak good on this. Neanderthal usually not cute. 5/10 at best. But Neanderthal also not stupid. Have spent much time around in-law’s family. Have weird taste in music and large foreheads, and eat too much mammoth meat. Cool hominids though. Fun at parties. Make cool cave paintings. Good interior decorating skills. Me say Neanderthal DNA is okay. Maybe Neanderthal will have good personality that make up for forehead. Ultimately, it will be up to you to decide whether he is truly right for you, though–that’s a responsibility we have in every kind of relationship, romantic or otherwise.

… Me sorry. Huge linguistic breakthrough while carving last sentence. Anyway, me final verdict is hit it. Maybe start family? What worst that could happen?

xoxo

• Grorg