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Student Nominated for Oscar for Daily Performance of Gender
By Chase Harrison Dec. 31, 2015 When the Oscar Nominees were announced on January 24th, many of the usual candidates were nominated: Leonardo di Caprio, Cate Blanchett, and Eddie Redmayne. However, one complete…
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Desperate Jeb Bush Adds Second Exclamation Mark to Logo
By Chase Harrison and Daniel Ruttenberg Nov. 12, 2015 At a rally in Sioux City, Iowa, a weary and obviously desperate Jeb Bush unveiled “Jeb!!” as his newest campaign logo. “It’s so fun,…
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3D Printer Births Tiny Plexiglass Baby
By Harini Radharikshnan and Nik Varley Nov. 2, 2015
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Number Without Units Hilarious
By Morgan Pantuck Oct. 19, 2015 Persons close to the situation report that a dimensionless number that was just spoken aloud by area woman Christina Wilkins is, indeed, hilarious. The figure was uttered…
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Trauma Center: Progress, But the Fight Does End Here
By Dan Leafhorn Sept. 12, 2015 The University of Chicago’s recent announcement of plans to build a trauma center on the South Side has many celebrating and lauding this decision. The promised trauma…
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Will You be a That Kid, or are You Already a That Kid?
By Nico Aldape July 26, 2015 1. To what degree do you think you know everything? a. This quiz looks pretty hard. b. I’m average, I guess c. I feel reasonably confident in…
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Michelle Obama Releases Pack of Dogs to Chase Obese Children
By Ryan Fleishman May 26, 2015 Last Tuesday, as the final phase in her Let’s Move! program to promote health and fitness among American youth, First Lady Michelle Obama officially released a large…
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Critics Call Yoga in Schools “Discriminatory” Against Kids Who Do That Fast Leg-Shaking Thing
By Dan Lastres April 23, 2015 The school board of California’s Fresno Unified School District announced last week a plan to include yoga in its physical education curriculum for the 2015-16 school year,…
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The Only Thing We Have to Fear Is CNN Itself
By CNN March 1, 2015 For years, CNN has prided itself on keeping its valued viewers abreast of the latest and most serious threats to their well-being and property. Some have deemed our…
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Man Drinks Milk of Another Creature
By Willamina Groething Feb. 1, 2015 5900 B.C.E. Sources confirmed Monday that Craig Mueller of Dærie, Northern Albijnea, drank the milk of his cow Buttercup early last week. Local authorities were alerted to…
