By Dean Ellison Oct. 13, 2016 Ok, you Millennials make NO sense. After the whole kerfuffle with the letter this summer, the College Advisors told me I had to improve my approval rating…

By Nico Aldape Oct. 9, 2016 In a move that has caught students, professors, and society by complete surprise, the University of Chicago Administration has announced an exciting series of publicity stunts. “These…

By Daniel Ruttenberg July 31, 2016 Internships for shipping interns, shipped in turn: Chip “Whip” Kipp with Ship Shipping An internship that ships a ship? That ‘ship’s so hip for Chip “Whip” Kipp,…

By Jacob Levin May 14, 2016 According to sources close to the Shady Dealer, people of the Vincent House lounge silently and unanimously voted to say nothing about the massive fart unleashed by…

By Ryan Fleishman May 13, 2016 Having driven along Wabash AvenueCrabapple Road multiple times in the last 2 weeks, residents of Chicago have unhappily realized that some absurd new sign in the road…

By Daniel Ruttenberg April 23, 2016 When I was a kid, I used to love baseball. Yessir, my ideal Friday was not ‘nt playing board games or running outside, it wasbut watching a…

By Jimmy Wustler Feb. 22, 2016 In a Shady Dealer exclusive, tThe University of Chicago has announced that the new Campus North Residential Hall will be named the Donald J. Trump Residential Hall.…

By Nik Varley Feb. 18, 2016 9. If your GPA drops below 3.5, will you be incinerated by a bolt of lightning? – This one’s actually a common misconception. The bolt of lightning…

By Edward of Borsky, 1427 Jan. 22, 2016 Ha! ‘Tis a Lark! ‘Tis Woe! You’re foiled, My foe! For thou Hast bringeth a sword to a slightly longer sword fight! ‘Tis a fate,…

By Breck Radulovic Jan. 5, 2016