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Macklemore Searching for New Marginalized Group to Save
By Liam Coles Jan. 29, 2016 Rapper and Social Justice Warrior Ben “Macklemore” Haggerty is currently searching for another marginalized group save after yet again putting an end to an injustice with his…
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Greek Students Claim Rome Appropriating Culture
By Liam Coles, 146 BCE Jan. 22, 2016 ATHENS, 146 BCE– Just this week students at the Lyceum in Athens began protesting Rome’s appropriation of Greek culture. Over CC students put down their…
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Donald Trump Googles Self
By Daniel Ruttenberg Dec. 31, 2015 Late Wednesday evening, Donald Trump was spotted by Shady Dealer reporters in a dimly lit study in his Palm Beach home googling his name and variations thereof…
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Top 5 Places to Fuck in the Reg
By Willamina Groething Nov. 20, 2015 On top of Mansueto:: Ggo ahead,. fFuck really hard. The glass can take it. A Level: Tthe white boards can take it, too. The counter of Ex…
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Corrupted Article- Do not publish.
By Error Nov. 11, 2015 TTFun fact – this phenomenon is also known as Poseidon’s Kiss! Remember that this happened to gods too. Archeological studies have have havfound that most of the output…
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Admissions Office Releases Class of 2019 Dick Statistics
By John Wilson Oct. 23, 2015 In an unexpected turn, the University of Chicago Admissions Office has released the penis size statistics for the class of 2019. The information was released on the…
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First Year Hides Girlfriend from Parents
By David North Oct. 16, 2015 First-year Jack Bailey of Coulter House was seen trying to hide his girlfriend, first-year Amy Xuhao, from his parents when they visited last weekend. Bailey carefully avoided…
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Suggested Accessories for Sleeping in the Lounge
By Ryan Fleishman Aug. 6, 2015 Mechanical cCrossbow for hunting food and protecting your spot– Lotion, as. eElbows tend to get chaffed overnight in the lounge.– Speakers so everyone on the 1st, 2nd,…
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What Are We Splurging on This Week?
By Sam Taylor May 26, 2015 1) Inklings, Histories, and Mysteries 2) Hanging out with the gang 3)Carp 4)Sweatshirts with the words “Let’s Hear it for the Boys!” 5) Cheetos Brand Cheetos 6)Stuff…
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Why, I Think I’ll Vote for Bernie Sanders
By Daniel Moattar May 26, 2015 Why, I Think I’ll Vote for Bernie SandersBy Jamie Dimon, CEO, JPMorgan Chase I was speaking on the phone the other day with my good friend Hillary…