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José Quintana Invents Really Fastball
By Ryan Fleishman March 27, 2017 After an intense research and development period involving complex mathematics and squiggly speed lines, famed White Sox All-Star pitcher José Quintana has invented an entirely new baseball…
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Bill Clinton Would Like to Remind Populace He Only Had to Lie Once to Be Put on Trial
By Adam Lowinger Feb. 26, 2017 Bill Clinton Would Like to Remind Populace He Only Had to Lie Once to Be Put on TrialBy Adam LowingerConsidering the recent scandals and controversies surrounding the…
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How To Walk Through Athens Without Getting Catcalled By A Deity
By Ryan Fleishman, 650 BCE Feb. 5, 2017 Are you a young, nubile maiden from the country taking your first spin through the city of Athens? Whether you visit the Gods’ temples in…
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Three Million Participate in Civil War Enactment
By Dan Lastres, Virginia 1865 Jan. 30, 2017 Millions of Americans laid down their weapons and made peace today after four years of enacting the Civil War’s greatest and deadliest battles. Participants flocked…
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Apartment Infested with Mugs
By Morgan Pantuck Jan. 16, 2017 When local undergraduate student Mindy Rankin came home from work last Tuesday evening, she knew something was wrong. “I saw two or three mugs on the living…
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Op-Ed: Why is Everyone in My Family Thankful for Greg Kinnear?
By Nik Varley Nov. 25, 2016 Don’t get me wrong, I love Thanksgiving. I love getting a break from classes, eating loads of food and spending time with my old friends. However, more…
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Admissions Office Announces Exciting New Diversity Initiative
By Philip O’Sullivan Nov. 14, 2016 The University of Chicago Admissions Office recently announced an exciting new diversity initiative, the Opportunity Scholarship, to help increase the diversity of rich and privileged students attending…
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Top Ten UChicago Christmas Kinks
By Shira Eisenberg Oct. 26, 2016 Whether you’re home for the holidays or poppin‘ some acid and camping out in Mansueto, here are some sure fire ways to getcha into the Christmas spirit.Whether…
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First Years to Skip One Year of Human Interaction with AP Credit
By Baunnee Martinez Oct. 12, 2016 After pressure from the student body for more credit from their AP examinations, the College is now offering Class of 2020 students with 5’s on certain tests…
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Dean Ellison Awakens from Week-Long Bender with No Memory of Welcome Letter
By James Reece Aug. 26, 2016 Dean Ellison Awakes from Week Long Bender with No Memory of Welcome LetterThursday, August 25th, 5:16 PMUniversity of Chicago Ddean of StudentAadmissions in the College John ““Jay”…
