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I Was Not Lost – I Chose to Leave
By Weed Hat Feb. 28, 2017 I Chose to Leave – Weed Hat At this moment, the one you all call “Weed Hat Girl” has likely worked you gullible lot of university students…
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President Lincoln assassinated after drafting the 1865 edition of the Gay Agenda
By Marlin Figgins Feb. 6, 2017 President Abraham Lincoln was shot and killed today during a production of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show”. The assassin’s motives are, as of now, unknown, but he…
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Amazing! This Man Turns Water into Wine! But His Radical Politics are Raising Some Eyebrows
By Dan Lastres, Cana 25 C.E. Jan. 30, 2017 Cana, 25 AD- Jesus H. Christ, a Nazarene of Galilee, seems like your average carpenter. He dresses in open– toed sandals, plain robes, and…
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Area Student Believes Love of Dogs Unique
By Morgan Pantuck Jan. 16, 2017 Area student Deborah Green, colloquially known as “Dee-Dee,” is currently under the impression that her attraction to various types of dogs is a uniquely defining feature of…
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Bruce Wayne’s Wife Annoyed All Bruce Does Is Put “Bat” Before Existing Sex Position
By Nico Aldape Nov. 25, 2016 When he’s not fighting crime in Gotham City, Batman (known asby Bruce Wayne to the publicas a private citizen), loves to be with his wife in Wayne…
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Bob Avakian has best Quarter yet, Announces 5 New Series
By Philip O’Sullivan Nov. 14, 2016 Communist Revolutionary and author of the book New Communism Bob Avakian recently announced that Q3 of 2016 was his best quarter yet, bringing in a record $6.1…
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Russian Cyber-Intelligence Retaliation Reveals Four of Eleven Secret Herbs & Spices
By Reed Thurston Nov. 1, 2016 Russian Cyber-Intelligence Retaliation Reveals 4 of 11 Secret Herbs & SpicesWASHINGTON, D.C.— Following the virtual attack which leaked politically sensitive information from the Democratic National Committee in…
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First Year Struggles to Hide Stolen Condoms Before Family Weekend
By Marlin Figgins Oct. 12, 2016 First –year Jameson A. Delaney, who requested to be called by his stage name “Jay D- Lane”, is now releasing his first single, which is based on…
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10 Times Your Lab Partner Wasn’t Actually Flirting with You
By Katie Zellner and Morgan Pantuck Sept. 7, 2016 By Katie Zellner and Morgan Pantuck 1. When he invited you over to look at his sheets. Unfortunately, those weren’t 400-thread-count Egyptian cotton, but…
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Omance Goes Oorly
By Daniel Ruttenberg July 31, 2016 A recent Omance between Benjamin Brooks and Cate Preston has gone Oorly, according to anonymous Ources. The Ources say Brooks and Preston Oth live in Ony Island…
