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Editorial: People keep asking if I like it at UIC
By UIC Student Aug. 2, 2013 I’m so tired of people asking me about UIC. As college students, you’ll understand my struggle. As if it isn’t enough that wehave to have the same…
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New Delhi Opens on 55th Street
By Matthew Goldenberg May 27, 2013 As part of the University of Chicago’s effort to revitalize commercial activity in Hyde Park, several new restaurants and stores havebeen established along 53rd and 55th Streets…
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Zimmer Pregnant With Twins: Shadi Bartsch Shocked to Learn She Is Not the Father
By Ben Boyajian April 25, 2013 In breaking news, Robert Zimmer, President of the University, has announced that he is pregnant with twins. Zimmer’s pregnancy came as a surprise – especially given the…
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Study: UChicago First-Years Suffer from Lack of Penis Graffiti
By Anna Newport Feb. 24, 2013 A new study commissioned by the Office of the Dean of Students’ has concluded that many of the academic and personal problems experienced by first-year students stem…
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Natural Explorations with Nigel Pennington: Dragons
By Nigel Pennington Feb. 4, 2013 Anno Domini 1161—Today, I’d like to talk about today’s hot animal-related topic: dragons. Everyone’s heard of them, nobody’s seen them, but everybody’s afraid of them. Well, there…
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“Fiscal” Cliff Threatens to Drive Economy into Recession
By Daniel Moattar Jan. 3, 2013 As the year-end deadline approaches, public ire and political acrimony over the United States’ “Fiscal Cliff” have approached a breaking point. “Leave me alone, you assholes,” said…
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Ratner Employee Greets Patron
By Matthew Goldenberg Nov. 10, 2012 In an unprecedented display of social interaction, a front desk employee at Ratner Athletics Center greeted a patron coming in to exercise by saying hello cheerfully. The…
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Local resident wanders into I-House drunk at 2 am demanding waffles
By Hannah Gitlin Oct. 21, 2012 Residents of the University of Chicagos International House were caught off guard last week when a Christopher Malone stumbled up to the door of the stately building…
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Santa Looking to Split Uber from Midway
By Emily Feigenbaum Dec. 26, 2018 image via stuckattheairport.com After a long night of delivering Christmas presents to the bright-eyed children of the world, Santa Claus is heading back home to Hyde Park…
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Campus Casualties Escalate in War on Christmas
By Rahul Gupta Dec. 5, 2018 Dozens of students were sent to the University of Chicago hospital after a heated debate over the holiday season exploded into yet another battle in the global…