By Alex Hearn Nov. 9, 2013 At this weekend’s Grain and Cereal Convention, the Monsanto Company unveiled “GM-O’s,” its flagship brand in a new line of genetically-modified breakfast cereals. “We at Monsanto are…

By Simon Stanco Oct. 18, 2013 Officials in the University of Chicago Supernatural Care and Radio-Ectoplasmology Department (UCSCARED), after investigating numerous reports of an almost translucently pale hipster attending SOSC classes, have revealed…

By Zach Augustine Aug. 2, 2013 Incoming first-year Sally Danderson is determined to finally solve not one but several of the vital issues that have been plaguing philosophy for all of recorded human…

By Daniel Moattar May 23, 2013 WASHINGTON, CHICAGO, NEW YORK, LOS ANGELES, JOHANNESBURG, TOKYO, NEW DELHI, CAIRO, SHANGHAI, BUENOS AIRES, SAO PAULO, JERUSALEM, BEIRUT – A consistent pattern of global economic, social, and…

By Editorial Board April 23, 2013 The University of Chicago has a rocky road ahead. Recently, our school has been rocked by a number of scandals, and we can’t afford to remain sedimentary…

By Kim Jong-un Feb. 24, 2013 Professor? Hey, professor? I was just wondering – about that test last week? Yeah, the nuclear test. We had to set off the device underground and everything…

By Arabic Court Scribe Feb. 4, 2013 Medina, Muslim Empire, 651 A.D./30 A.H.: Greetings, Commander of the Believers. I know you’ve been a busy man lately, minting the first Islamic coins, sending an…

By Mark Boykin Dec. 17, 2012 A man living on the streets of Chicago was fined $300 dollars for littering when a policeman found him sleeping in an alleyway. Cedric Galloway, the homeless…

By Kiara Nerenberg Nov. 7, 2012 A new wave of “uncommon-ness” has hit University of Chicago classrooms, this time in the form of rare textbook editions. “At first, it was just a few…

By Hannah Gitlin Oct. 21, 2012 It’’s dinnertime in the Powell household. Steven and Gwen Powell, and their children Anna, 17, and Sarah, 15, are seated around the dinner table. The family dog,…