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I Heard Our Football Team Might Actually be Pretty Good This Year
By Jacob Levin- Sports Editor Oct. 20, 2015 I know what you’re thinking. This is the University of Chicago, a school better known for its rigorous academics, storied traditions, and wild frat parties…
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Donor offers 500 million to rename House Fuck
By Zoe Kaiser Oct. 8, 2015 A donor, who has elected to remain anonymous, has offered the University of Chicago 500 million dollars to rename one of the houses being moved to North…
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The Shady Dealer’s Guide to Rationalizing Housecest
By Teddy Zamborsky Aug. 1, 2015 Being the incredibly sexy people we are, Dealer writers are uniquely equipped to guide you through the perilous journey of your first college romance. So here is…
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Area Youth Wastes First Wet Dream on Mrs. MacNeilson
By Dan Lastres May 26, 2015 Tuesday- LocalCHICAGO—Area pre-teenager Alex Sanderson had been anticipating his first unconscious orgasm since he first heard his older brother, Jacobke Sanderson, soil the sheets of thehis bottom…
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Does the Color of the Dress Matter in Post-Racial America?
By Mary Vansuch April 25, 2015 Every Friday night is ladies’ night, and last night I happened to give my bestie a call before we went out. I told her I was having…
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Top 5 Ways to Meet People on TransLoc
By Milena Pross March 1, 2015 In today’s world, all relationships start online. The days of meeting someone at a café and getting married later that week are over. But how does one…
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Prayer/Counter Prayer: The World is Flat
By Militides, son of Lycurgus/ The Pantheon Feb. 1, 2015 Prayer: The World is Flat. By Militides, son of Lycurgus Oh Lords of the earth and sky, dwellers of the shimmering heavens and…
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Opinion: Aggressive pointing the best way to deal with other’s bullshit
By Dan’s Tough Dad Jan. 8, 2015 You’re all young people, right? Younger than me at least. Well, when I was young the world was different and everybody said what they meant and…
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What Has Become of Serious Journalism?
By Ariana Huffington Nov. 26, 2014 As the founder and editor-in-chief of a well-respected news outlet, I’ve always believed in the power of journalists to stand as watchmen for democracy. A healthy fourth…
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UChicago Recalls Educations Distributed Over Three-Year Period
By Alex Dunlap Nov. 16, 2014 The University of Chicago, in cooperation with the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, is issuing a voluntary recall of over 25,000 college- and graduate-level educations provided between…