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Admissions Report: 90% of Incoming First-years had Life-changing Experience in Africa
By Anna Belle Newport July 17, 2015 The University of Chicago Office of Admissions, after releasing statistics on the incoming class of 2019 on Tuesday, claims to have the most globally experienced cohort…
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Restaurant Patron Haunted by What Could Have Been
By Morgan Pantuck May 26, 2015 According to insider reports, 35-year old Gregory Sheppard, who recently dined at an Olive Garden restaurant with his girlfriend, experienced intense feelings of regret and loss when…
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20 Ways to Please Your Man
By Evan Bernstein April 23, 2015 20 Ways to Please Your Man These twenty tips are sure to spice things up in the bedroom, shower, or empty train car! 1. Touch it Touching…
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Investigative Report: The World of Insider Prospie Trading
By Dan Lastres March 1, 2015 I met my contact in the dark alcove between Harper and Stuart. Vance was a well-dressed guy with an over-waxed mustache. I tried to shake his hand,…
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Point: Race No Longer Divides Us. Counterpoint: I Agree with the Jew
By Teddy Zamborsky Feb. 1, 2015 Point: Race No Longer Divides Us I, Paul Steinburg, am able to proclaim, in the year 2424, that race no longer divides us. I am happy to…
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Neil deGrasse Tyson Breaks Down Science and Fiction in Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs Two
By Alex Foster Dec. 30, 2014 When Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs was released in 2009, it opened our eyes to a future of meteorology and food science that no one had…
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News in Brief: October 30, 2014
By Chicago Shady Dealer Nov. 19, 2014 Marlon C. Lynch Reassures Students: Security Alert Will Be Sent Within 30 Days of First Ebola Death on Campus Marlon Lynch, Associate Vice President for Safety,…
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Life of the Mined
By A Lump of Coal Nov. 13, 2014 The hardest part of being both a first year at the University of Chicago and a sentient lump of coal would have to be adjusting…
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Look: Chris Christie Flashes Major Side Boob!
By Annabelle Newport Oct. 23, 2014 Chris Christie is living on the edge. The presidential hopeful and second-term Governor of New Jersey paraded into the office this morning flaunting some major side boob…
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We Should Reject the Binary
By by Intel 2.4 GHz Dual Core i7 May 13, 2014 10101000000010000001001011010101001100101101000111010011110010101110100000101100110111000100100011001010001101110000001110010111111100101011110010110011101110000101111000011100011110110110001110001110000010011100100110010000001110100110101100011100001111000001110111001111100000001101111101101011110110000011110010000001111110011000110000010101110011110011010011011011101110011100011001101011100001100100000011011100010001100111000011001011110111001010111011011000011110000100010001100110101011100101011001111011100011111100010101101101111010010001011101011001010101000100011100101100101110110011110011110001100001011000011001001110110011011011001010101000000101100111100001000111101110010111011111011000101111001110000100101011001101101000110010110001100010100110100000000101001101010111001001000111100011011101110101100
