By Daniel Lastres and Milena Pross April 20, 2018 To the lovely people, responsible journalists, and concerned citizens of the Sinclair Broadcast Group: We understand that your organization is working tirelessly to acquire…

By Thomas Noriega Feb. 20, 2018   In an effort to expand police coverage across the greater South Side, the University of Chicago Police Department has invested $12 million in a state-of-the-art patrol…

By David North Feb. 11, 2018 Why spend money on expensive face masks that leave your skin feeling dry and damaged or waste time in your busy college schedule going to a salon,…

By Tsijiari Ararey Oct. 17, 2017 After months of Frankenstein reruns, two liters of ammonium nitrate, and something to do withstem cells, the department of philosophy was able to reincarnate the remains of…

By Chase Harrison Oct. 17, 2017 He is hard to miss on the quad. Goofy smile. Gigantic backpack. And a maroon lanyard with an attached plastic ID case bouncing off of his chest.…

By Greer Baxter Aug. 18, 2017 It was daunting enough handling first year at UChicago during the magical era of romantic idealism made possible bywhenile it was still possible to onecould still bask…

By Dan Lastres May 15, 2017 Dean Ellison Screams as Scav Participants Rip out his Still-beating Heart Mother’s Day Weekend took a turn for the worse on Sundayaturday evening, as Scav participants jumped…

By Thomas Noriega April 21, 2017 Grounds of Being Proved Logically InconsistentBy Thomas Noriega Earlier today, students were shocked and saddened to learn thatTragic news today as Grounds of Being, the popular cash-only…

By President Donald Trump April 13, 2017 Answers to The Four QuestionsBy Donald Trump Q: On all other nights, we eat chameitz and matzah. Why on this night, only matzah? A: First of…

By Thomas Noriega March 7, 2017 5 Hot Tips for Students Staying in Housing on a Break By Thomas Noriega Externship fall through? Parents don’t want you at home? Your elaborate plans to…