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Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Alt-Right Twitter Demands New Oscars Categories for Best Crisis Actor/Actress in a Leading Role

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Thomas Noriega Feb. 19, 2018 As the greatest actors and actresses in the world are honored tonight for their hard work on screen, the right wing of the Twittersphere has been crying out…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Sponsored Advertisement — PACKED: Dumplings Reimagined

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Reed Thurston Oct. 18, 2017 Listen: Forget everything you thought you knew about dumplings until now. Coming this month to rock the foodie scene in Hyde Park is PACKED, a new kind…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Campus’s Hottest New Hookup Spot? Dean Boyer’s Bike

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Sarah de Vegvar Oct. 17, 2017 While UChicago lays claim to the nickname “where fun comes to die,.” it could easily and realistically reallytThe nickname should realisticallybe shortened to “where fun cums.”…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    My Day in the Marketplace of Ideas

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Chase Harrison Aug. 22, 2017 My Day in the Marketplace of Ideas By Chase Harrison            The letter arrived in my mailbox with a flourish, shooting into my house. Was this FINALLY…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    College Student Actually Thinks Grandma Wears Big “Proud UChicago Grandparent” Pin Everyday

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Ella Hester May 16, 2017 Second-year in the college Kate Todd recently told the Dealer that she truly believes that her grandma wears an approximately 2×2” pin that features the text “Proud…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    “Golly Gee Whiz, Gosh Darn It,” Says Dean Ellison as He Struggles to Stuff the Final Prospie in the Dumpster

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Jacob Johnson April 24, 2017 Jacob Johnson “Golly Gee Whiz, Gosh Darn It”, Says Dean Ellison As He Struggles to Stuff The Final Prospie in the Dumpster “Aw, shucks,.” said Dean Ellison,…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Undertaker Undertakes Undertaking Undertaking

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Thomas Noriega April 17, 2017 Undertaker Undertakes Undertaking UndertakingBy Thomas Noriega              April 2nd, 2017. We all saw it. We all felt it. Roman Reigns pinned The Undertaker after a grueling half-hour match.…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    To Counter the Influence of Old Corporate Billionaires, Let’s Elect a Bunch of Young Environmentalist Tech Billionaires

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By The DNC March 9, 2017 November was an absolute shellacking. We now only have six states with both Democratic governors and state legislatures. Now that Tom Perez has won the DNC Chairmanship,…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    University Upgrades “No Barriers” Program To “Very Tall Ladders” Program

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Christopher Walker Feb. 6, 2017 This Friday, Dean Nondorf announced on Friday that the University’s “No Barriers” program of replacing loans with grants for low-income students would be upgraded to the “Very…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    We Are Living In A Post-Racial America

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Ryan Fleishman, 1840 Feb. 1, 2017 1840- My fellow citizens: I am proud to announce we are living in a post-racial America. That’s right;. aAfter decades on centuries of discrimination, we can…

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  • Virtual Reality Game Sucker Debuts to Much Fanfare
  • Hear! Hear! Selling 10 Packs of Light Bulbs for the Low Price of $1500
  • UChicago Requires Library+ to Access Books
  • Point: We Should Increase Fire Drills/Counterpoint: Let’s Add A Gym Requirement Instead
  • Apply for the Royal Internship
  • Bridge Between Quad and Reg Somehow Collapses Despite Being Solid Road
  • “Back to Basics” Aims of Education Address Stresses, Shapes, Counting

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