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Dean Ellison Spends Romantic Valentine’s Day Answering Emails from Risk Management
By Walker King Feb. 15, 2016 John “Jay” Ellison, Dean of Students in the College at the University of Chicago, spent a romantic and relaxing Valentine’s Day alone in his office, primarily responding…
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Pilgrims Discover Lollapalooza
By David North, 1620 Jan. 22, 2016 Earlier this week, a group of English separatists fled the hostile religious climate of Europe and happened upon the popular alternative rock music festival, Lollapalooza. The…
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Why I am Requesting a Room Change
By Milena Pross Jan. 4, 2016 I was so excited to have a roommate in college.F from first impressions alone, Edna seemed great. But we’re a quarter in, and I’m requesting to move…
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Area Student’s Daily Schedule Totally Unchanged By Lockdown
By Ryan Fleishman Dec. 1, 2015 After all classes and activities aton thethe entire University of Chicago‘s Hyde Park campus wereas cancelled and the campus putput on lockdown due to a terrorist threat…
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Daylight Savings Can’t Save this Relationship
By Nik Varley Nov. 12, 2015 Hey, honey. What I have to say isn’t easy, but it’s important, and I honestly can’t live with it any longer. It breaks my heart to see…
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The Next Final Frontier After Space is My Parent’s Attic
By Ryan Fleishman Oct. 31, 2015 After nearly 60 years of exploration into the boundless annals of space, the world is ready to move on to the deeper mysteries of life, namely those…
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7 Weirdest Things You’ll Find in the Basements of Academic Buildings
By Chase Harrison Oct. 16, 2015 1. A Sex Dungeon: Thanks to generous funding from the Uncommon Fund, RACK, UChicago’s BDSM Club, there is now a fully equipped sex dungeon in the basement…
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A One-Star Review of My New “Bad Cop” RA
By Milena Pross Aug. 9, 2015 I’m not normally one to write a review, but I feel it’s my civic duty to warn my fellow students about a plague upon the House Systemhousing…
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Condom Czar Expands Westward into Condom Ukraine
By Morgan Pantuck July 22, 2015 The international community expressed widespread alarm this weekend as Vadimar PuginIvan Ivankov, the current Condom Czar of Hitchcock House, mobilized his condom army and began a military…
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Scientists Determine You Won’t Finish This Article Because It About Science
By Dan Lastres May 26, 2015 A crack team of scientists, sociologists, and journalists from the University of Chicago recently have published a report definitively showing that you won’t finish this article because…
