By Morgan Pantuck May 16, 2016 In a terrifying moment that will surely haunt you for years to come, your biochemistry lab partner and resident imbecile Jason Lieberman just said the word “oops”…

By Alek Binion May 13, 2016 The University of Chicago mathematics department was abuzz this past Saturday after peer review determined the validity of faculty member Paul Phillips revolutionary findings in the already…

By Morgan Pantuck and Reed Thurston April 23, 2016 A controversial study submitted to the New England Journal of Medicine was officially rejected for publication this past weekend following peer review. “Butt Stuff:…

By Morgan Pantuck March 1, 2016 Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump shocked reporters earlier this week by appearing in public with his facial hair trimmed into a toothbrush style, shaved sharply at the…

By Nico Aldape Feb. 18, 2016 After a careful, objective investigation, sources close to the Shady Dealer are reporting that apathetic area man Stanley Novovoselic is actually just pathetic. “I mean, I thought…

By Jason of Thebes Jan. 22, 2016 Early yesterday morning, a devout of Pheme, having climbed the mast of one of Agamemnon’s ships, was heard shouting, certain statements directly contradictory to many of…

By Morgan Pantuck Jan. 13, 2016 Here at the Dealer, we don’t subscribe to the notion that there’s only one type of physical beauty. We think all women can find things to hate…

By Daniel Ruttenberg Dec. 31, 2015 The Oscar nominations were announced on Thursday, and already and many of tthemwhichthe nominees have been praised for their unique storytelling and captivating performances by some of…

By Nik Varley Nov. 13, 2015 Jeb Bush recently said that he would give any democrat who cut spending by ten dollars a warm kiss. You’d better pucker up, Jeb, because I’m going…

By Morgan Pantuck Nov. 9, 2015 1. You run into your TA in Ex Libris. You: a. Wave at them from the coffee line b. Make small talk about class c. Tell them…