By Evan Bernstein Nov. 16, 2014 Love Child Becomes Love Adult Sources close to Jeffrey Tanenbaum report that the twenty-five-year old graduate student has completed his transformation from a child of lust to…

By Chris Deakin Oct. 24, 2014 According to joint working group of New York University neurologists and sociologists, almost 98% of men claim that they would engage in all manner of homosexual activity…

By Evan Bernstein July 23, 2014 Dear Disastrously Misapplied Nietzsche, My boyfriend won’t stop emailing with his ex. He told me that he’d stopped talking to her, but I logged on to his…

By Morgan Pantuck April 20, 2014 When I applied to college, I toured a lot of impressive campuses. But UChicago was different. More exciting, somehow. Initially, I loved the intellectual atmosphere and “quirky”…

By Morgan Pantuck Feb. 24, 2014 According to sources at the University of Chicago Humor Magazine, this one kid will just not stop suggesting articles about incest. The phenomenon began in December 2013,…

By Matthew Goldenberg (1685) Jan. 25, 2014 The scientific community of Europe is in uproar this week after hearing that Gottfried Leibniz threw an apple at Isaac Newtonon this this last Tuesday. The…

By Terry Hines Dec. 24, 2013 This winter, America’s migratory birds have chosen to try their luck with the freezing temperatures of the North rather than face the state of Florida. The plethora…

By Evan Bernstein Nov. 9, 2013 “Don’t think of it as a final,” were Professor Walt Neilson’s first words to his class Tuesday morning. “The term ‘final’ characterizes tomorrow’s exam as some kind…

By Allen Mandelbaum Oct. 19, 2013 Translation is a dead art. No one would deny that. But it’s one thing to let a dead art stay dead, and it’s another thing to keep…

By Mark Sands Aug. 2, 2013 There’s a cute girl in my advising group. I get that she’s attractive, but she has no future. She said she wants a Ph.D. in Sociology. If…