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Tumblr About to Get Really into Alchemy
By Teddy Zamborsky Feb. 18, 2016 Sources close to tThe Dealer confirmed today that several prominent Tumblr users plan t to spend the better part of 2016 really getting into alchemy. The curator…
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Thank God I’m Covered in Leeches
By Ryan Fleishman, 1318 Jan. 22, 2016 Lately, I haven’t been feeling so great. My knees hurt a bit, I have a bruise on my arm, and I coughed a couple times yesterday.…
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Last UPS Delivery Man Gives in, Trades Shorts for Pants
By Willamina Groething Dec. 31, 2015 One Chicago UPS truck delivered more than mail this past Tuesday: the surprise of the week was brought to residents’ front doors when local UPS delivery man…
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Point/Counterpoint: Stay in the Closet, Son
By Nik Varley Nov. 19, 2015 Point: Mom and Ddad, I’m cComing oOut of the cCloset By Son Hey mMom and dDad, I brought you guys here because I have an important announcement…
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Nintendo Factory Inspection Finds 50,000 Copies of Super Waluigi
By Nico Aldape Nov. 11, 2015 In aone of recently decommissioned Nintendo’s manyfactory in Yokohama, Japanese factories, inspectors found a dust-laden room filled with 50 thousand unreleased copies of “Super Waluigi.” At a…
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Junot Diaz Still “Yet to Decide” Whether to Run for President
By Daniel Ruttenberg Oct. 23, 2015 In a shocking turn of events, during his Monday talk and book signing at Mandel Hall, Junot Diaz revealed that he still has not decided whether he…
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Bernie Sanders Accidentally Sits in Audience during Democratic Debate
By Ashwin Rao Oct. 12, 2015 Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders was mysteriously missing from the stage at the first Democratic Presidential Primary Debate. The debate began with a camera pan to reveal that…
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How to Smoke a Cigarette
By Vivienne Foumeau, Paris Correspondent Aug. 1, 2015 Make sure you are visibly positioned among your group friends as you loiter, perhaps on a street corner or in a public park. With a…
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Date Ruined by Date
By Evan Bernstein May 26, 2015 According to sources who wish to remain anonymous, everything was set up perfectly for Julia Meyer’s date last Saturday. There were candles on the table, she was…