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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Tumblr About to Get Really into Alchemy

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Teddy Zamborsky Feb. 18, 2016 Sources close to tThe Dealer confirmed today that several prominent Tumblr users plan t to spend the better part of 2016 really getting into alchemy. The curator…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Intercourse Week

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Willamina Groething Jan. 24, 2016

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Thank God I’m Covered in Leeches

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Ryan Fleishman, 1318 Jan. 22, 2016 Lately, I haven’t been feeling so great. My knees hurt a bit, I have a bruise on my arm, and I coughed a couple times yesterday.…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Last UPS Delivery Man Gives in, Trades Shorts for Pants

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Willamina Groething Dec. 31, 2015 One Chicago UPS truck delivered more than mail this past Tuesday: the surprise of the week was brought to residents’ front doors when local UPS delivery man…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Point/Counterpoint: Stay in the Closet, Son

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Nik Varley Nov. 19, 2015 Point: Mom and Ddad, I’m cComing oOut of the cCloset By Son Hey mMom and dDad, I brought you guys here because I have an important announcement…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Nintendo Factory Inspection Finds 50,000 Copies of Super Waluigi

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Nico Aldape Nov. 11, 2015 In aone of recently decommissioned Nintendo’s manyfactory in Yokohama, Japanese factories, inspectors found a dust-laden room filled with 50 thousand unreleased copies of “Super Waluigi.” At a…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Junot Diaz Still “Yet to Decide” Whether to Run for President

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Daniel Ruttenberg Oct. 23, 2015 In a shocking turn of events, during his Monday talk and book signing at Mandel Hall, Junot Diaz revealed that he still has not decided whether he…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Bernie Sanders Accidentally Sits in Audience during Democratic Debate

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Ashwin Rao Oct. 12, 2015 Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders was mysteriously missing from the stage at the first Democratic Presidential Primary Debate. The debate began with a camera pan to reveal that…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    How to Smoke a Cigarette

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Vivienne Foumeau, Paris Correspondent Aug. 1, 2015 Make sure you are visibly positioned among your group friends as you loiter, perhaps on a street corner or in a public park. With a…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Date Ruined by Date

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Evan Bernstein May 26, 2015 According to sources who wish to remain anonymous, everything was set up perfectly for Julia Meyer’s date last Saturday. There were candles on the table, she was…

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