The Chicago Shady Dealer
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions

Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    University of Chicago Announces ‘Donald J. Trump Residential Hall’

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Jimmy Wustler Feb. 22, 2016 In a Shady Dealer exclusive, tThe University of Chicago has announced that the new Campus North Residential Hall will be named the Donald J. Trump Residential Hall.…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    9 Things You Should NEVER Say to a Pre-Med

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Nik Varley Feb. 18, 2016 9. If your GPA drops below 3.5, will you be incinerated by a bolt of lightning? – This one’s actually a common misconception. The bolt of lightning…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Ha! You’ve Brought a Sword to a Slightly Longer Sword Fight!

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Edward of Borsky, 1427 Jan. 22, 2016 Ha! ‘Tis a Lark! ‘Tis Woe! You’re foiled, My foe! For thou Hast bringeth a sword to a slightly longer sword fight! ‘Tis a fate,…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Ghost Haunting White House Rose Garden Revealed to be Ted Cruz

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Breck Radulovic Jan. 5, 2016

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Student Nominated for Oscar for Daily Performance of Gender

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Chase Harrison Dec. 31, 2015 When the Oscar Nominees were announced on January 24th, many of the usual candidates were nominated: Leonardo di Caprio, Cate Blanchett, and Eddie Redmayne. However, one complete…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Desperate Jeb Bush Adds Second Exclamation Mark to Logo

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Chase Harrison and Daniel Ruttenberg Nov. 12, 2015 At a rally in Sioux City, Iowa, a weary and obviously desperate Jeb Bush unveiled “Jeb!!” as his newest campaign logo. “It’s so fun,…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    3D Printer Births Tiny Plexiglass Baby

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Harini Radharikshnan and Nik Varley Nov. 2, 2015

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Number Without Units Hilarious

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Morgan Pantuck Oct. 19, 2015 Persons close to the situation report that a dimensionless number that was just spoken aloud by area woman Christina Wilkins is, indeed, hilarious. The figure was uttered…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Trauma Center: Progress, But the Fight Does End Here

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Dan Leafhorn Sept. 12, 2015 The University of Chicago’s recent announcement of plans to build a trauma center on the South Side has many celebrating and lauding this decision. The promised trauma…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Will You be a That Kid, or are You Already a That Kid?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Nico Aldape July 26, 2015 1. To what degree do you think you know everything? a. This quiz looks pretty hard. b. I’m average, I guess c. I feel reasonably confident in…

    read more
 Older Posts
Newer Posts 

Read It and Weep

  • Say It With Me: Zero-Hours Contract is the Best Contract!
  • Automated Bobbin-Changing Equipment Threatens Job Security of 9-Year-Olds
  • Wilhelm Crashenblimpen Appointed Captain Of The Hindenburg
  • Alexander Hamilton Reviews Hamilton: “Wait, they did what?”
  • After Success Of First Novel, George Orwell Announces Publication Of “1984 2: This Time It’s Personal”
  • Stephen Cole Kleene Invents Formal Languages, Causing War
  • UChicago Admin in Panic Mode After Mysterious Disappearance of the Vitality Crystals
  • White House Rushes to Explain Correlation Not Causation Following JD Vance Pope Visit
  • Interview: Debate Over Politics Blossoms Into Lifelong Friendship
  • Citizen App Provides Notice About Hyde Park Crimes: Dog Poop on Sidewalk, Premarital Handholding

Chicago Shady Dealer

  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions

Archives

Categories

For Writers

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
© 2025 Chicago Shady Dealer
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
Ashe Theme by WP Royal.