By The Easter Bunny April 20, 2014 There will be an attack. I can’t tell you when or where, but it is going to happen. Soon. And there will be casualties. In the…

By Mary Vansuch Feb. 20, 2014 Whales rallied throughout the ocean yesterday in protest against recent efforts on the part of ecologically sensitive sea mammals to “Save the Patriarchy.” Protesters wondered why the…

By Dan Brier Dec. 29, 2013 Campus fraternities and sororities are ramping up their preparations to celebrate the Greek holiday of Φώτα, the centerpiece of the annual triduum beginning January 5th and ending…

By Kelly Keough Nov. 9, 2013 These days, getting in to the club can be one of the most difficult achievements in a young person’s life, and has been shown to have a…

By James Ekstrom Oct. 27, 2013 Asteromance experts around the world agree that area asteroid 40670 has little to no chance of success in its recent romantic advances toward the planet Earth. While…

By Senior Director For Coffee Life Sarah Cunningham Aug. 4, 2013 Due to the overwhelming feedback we’ve received from students concerning our plans for Hallowed Grounds, the Office of the Reynolds Club and…

By Sam Spiegel May 28, 2013 Rebecca Black, best known for her pop hit “Friday,” has graduated with Johns Hopkins University’s Class of 2013 with a B.S. degree in neuroscience, with honors. Black,…

By Mark Sands April 25, 2013 The University of Chicago Office of the Registrar announced today its decision to replace the online Chalk system with a gigantic chalkboard. After cMore was closed in…

By Daniel Moattar Feb. 25, 2013 The USO Tour today staged the latest in a legendary series of musical and comedic performances for those serving the United States in military efforts overseas, in…

By Ron Feb. 4, 2013 Dear Ron Jon the Romantic, What is a Kegel? Does it hurt? Sin-cerely, Mystery Manwoman Dear MM, A kegel is when you squeeze your butt really hard and…