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We Fucking Hate Pandas
By University Administration July 8, 2016 Over the past few years, the UChicago Office of Sustainability has worked with campus and community partners on several important projects, including ventures to improve waste reduction…
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Area Man totally would have gotten that Goldman Sachs Internship had he applied
By Liam Coles May 13, 2016 Today at around 5PM CST Second Year Economics Major Kenneth Moore was seen overtly lying about his marketability and desirability in the A level of the Regenstein…
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Pope Francis and Bernie Sanders Team Up to Become Crime-Fighting Team
By Adam Lowinger May 2, 2016 FollowingAs a result of their brief meeting in the Vatican, in which the two discussed their shared ideology concerning globabl poverty, Pope Francis and Vermont Senator Bernie…
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United States Rewrites Foreign Policy In Wake Of Student Government Decision
By Ryan Fleishman April 22, 2016 Following The University of Chicago Student Government’s majority decision to support the boycott, divest, and sanction resolution against Israel, President Barack Obama and the entire United States…
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Bio-Curious Student Registers for Genetics Class
By Morgan Pantuck Feb. 18, 2016 Second-year and self-described “bio-curious” student Jenny Anderson was seen earlier this week registering for BIOS 11128, an introductory biology course for non-majors. Anderson, 19, told the Dealer…
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Macklemore Searching for New Marginalized Group to Save
By Liam Coles Jan. 29, 2016 Rapper and Social Justice Warrior Ben “Macklemore” Haggerty is currently searching for another marginalized group save after yet again putting an end to an injustice with his…
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Greek Students Claim Rome Appropriating Culture
By Liam Coles, 146 BCE Jan. 22, 2016 ATHENS, 146 BCE– Just this week students at the Lyceum in Athens began protesting Rome’s appropriation of Greek culture. Over CC students put down their…
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Donald Trump Googles Self
By Daniel Ruttenberg Dec. 31, 2015 Late Wednesday evening, Donald Trump was spotted by Shady Dealer reporters in a dimly lit study in his Palm Beach home googling his name and variations thereof…
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Top 5 Places to Fuck in the Reg
By Willamina Groething Nov. 20, 2015 On top of Mansueto:: Ggo ahead,. fFuck really hard. The glass can take it. A Level: Tthe white boards can take it, too. The counter of Ex…
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Corrupted Article- Do not publish.
By Error Nov. 11, 2015 TTFun fact – this phenomenon is also known as Poseidon’s Kiss! Remember that this happened to gods too. Archeological studies have have havfound that most of the output…
