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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Griffin Bonnin Jones, Andrea Zhou

Managing Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Deputy Managing Editor

Vivian Psylos

Layout Editor

Justin Bilenker

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Donor offers 500 million to rename House Fuck

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Zoe Kaiser Oct. 8, 2015 A donor, who has elected to remain anonymous, has offered the University of Chicago 500 million dollars to rename one of the houses being moved to North…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    The Shady Dealer’s Guide to Rationalizing Housecest

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Teddy Zamborsky Aug. 1, 2015 Being the incredibly sexy people we are, Dealer writers are uniquely equipped to guide you through the perilous journey of your first college romance. So here is…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Area Youth Wastes First Wet Dream on Mrs. MacNeilson

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Dan Lastres May 26, 2015 Tuesday- LocalCHICAGO—Area pre-teenager Alex Sanderson had been anticipating his first unconscious orgasm since he first heard his older brother, Jacobke Sanderson, soil the sheets of thehis bottom…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Does the Color of the Dress Matter in Post-Racial America?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Mary Vansuch April 25, 2015 Every Friday night is ladies’ night, and last night I happened to give my bestie a call before we went out. I told her I was having…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Top 5 Ways to Meet People on TransLoc

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Milena Pross March 1, 2015 In today’s world, all relationships start online. The days of meeting someone at a café and getting married later that week are over. But how does one…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Prayer/Counter Prayer: The World is Flat

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Militides, son of Lycurgus/ The Pantheon Feb. 1, 2015 Prayer: The World is Flat. By Militides, son of Lycurgus Oh Lords of the earth and sky, dwellers of the shimmering heavens and…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Opinion: Aggressive pointing the best way to deal with other’s bullshit

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Dan’s Tough Dad Jan. 8, 2015 You’re all young people, right? Younger than me at least. Well, when I was young the world was different and everybody said what they meant and…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    What Has Become of Serious Journalism?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Ariana Huffington Nov. 26, 2014 As the founder and editor-in-chief of a well-respected news outlet, I’ve always believed in the power of journalists to stand as watchmen for democracy. A healthy fourth…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    UChicago Recalls Educations Distributed Over Three-Year Period

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Alex Dunlap Nov. 16, 2014 The University of Chicago, in cooperation with the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, is issuing a voluntary recall of over 25,000 college- and graduate-level educations provided between…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Apple Unveils Groundbreaking Cloud-Based Irrigation System

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Isaac Krone Oct. 24, 2014 This Thursday, tech giant Apple Inc. astonished the world by unveiling a revolutionary cloud-based system for delivering water to farmers in developing and industrialized nations. At a…

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Read It and Weep

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  • UChicago Tour Guide Fired after Confirming “Where Fun Goes to Die” Culture on Tour
  • Air Force Forms Task Force of Skydiving Spiders
  • 10 Things To Do on Campus This Fall That Feel Almost As Good As Being Loved
  • Trump claims to have discovered “Constitution 2” allowing him to do whatever he wants
  • Pumpkin Spice Adderall® now available from your local dealer for your fall-themed 9 hour cram session in the Reg
  • Karoline Leavitt to respond to CNN journalists with yo mama jokes
  • President Alivisatos found drunk at frat party after US news report
  • Secretary of War Pete Hegseth Announces New Military Uniform Deal
  • Top 5 Places for Dads to Sulk During O Week

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