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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Dressing for Your Major

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Willamina Groething Aug. 1, 2015 Anthropology: Raspberry Vinaigrette Biology: Italian Cinema and Media Studies: Honey Mustard Classics: Caesar Computer Science: Creamy Caesar Economics: Green Goddess English Language and Literature: French Environmental Studies:…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    MIT Scientists Unsure What You Did in Chem Lab

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Morgan Pantuck May 26, 2015 Citing your product’s unusual color, texture, and melting point, Citing your product’s unusual color, texture, and melting point, a panel of MIT’s top scientists confirmed today that…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    8 Ways to Improve Your Marriage Without Ever Speaking Ever

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Evan Bernstein April 26, 2015 Marital problems? We’ve all been there. Some people will tell you to talk it out, but sometimes it’s best to keep your troubles to yourself and never…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Joe Biden Accidentally Slips Tongue into Mother’s Ear

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Sam Taylor March 1, 2015 Vice President Joe Biden was photographed last Saturday vigorously fondling his mother’s left earlobe during a private family gathering at his Washington D.C. residence. “What made it…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    News in Brief: January 30

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Chicago Shady Dealer Feb. 1, 2015 In order to best serve the needs of the University of Chicago community, the Dealer has decided to publish weekly news briefs in addition to its…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    French Politician “Relieved” Islamophobic Laws Were Worded Inoffensively

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Si Squires-Kasten Jan. 14, 2015 Following the January 7th attack on the offices of Charlie Hebdo, a French satirical magazine, Minister of the Interior Bernard Cazeneuve expressed “profound gratitude” that his country…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    5 Easy DIY Thanksgiving Recipes

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Sam Taylor Nov. 28, 2014 Spending too much time slaving away in the kitchen this Thanksgiving? Holiday stress bogging you down? Do your eroding lips scream out for the thirst-quenching milk of…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    10 Signs You’re Being Hit On

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Willamina Groething Nov. 16, 2014 1. You keep bumping into each other, and it’s feeling more and more deliberate on her part. 2. It’s as though the wind’s knocked out of you…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Goose Makes Classic “Goose” Face

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Chris Deakin Oct. 24, 2014 This morning, around 10 a.m., local accountant Irene Berger observed local goose Patrick the Goose make a particularly “goose” face. Berger recounted to The Dealer that she…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    First year Displays Dominance by Sexiling Roommate, Urinating on Laptop

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Isaac Krone Aug. 10, 2014 After a devastating thirteen hours of sexile, Hitchcock resident Ryan Thompson was able to re-enter his beloved room—a room now deeply scarred by a bitter battle for…

    read more
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  • Hear! Hear! Selling 10 Packs of Light Bulbs for the Low Price of $1500
  • UChicago Requires Library+ to Access Books
  • Point: We Should Increase Fire Drills/Counterpoint: Let’s Add A Gym Requirement Instead
  • Apply for the Royal Internship
  • Bridge Between Quad and Reg Somehow Collapses Despite Being Solid Road
  • “Back to Basics” Aims of Education Address Stresses, Shapes, Counting

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