By Stephen Lurie April 29, 2013 In a move that is bound to shock the homosexual world, Senator Tammy Baldwin has revealed that she is a professional basketball player for the Milwaukee Bucks…

By Stephen Lurie March 4, 2013 A Chicago Shady Dealer investigation has uncovered indisputable evidence that police officers in the employ of the UCPD have been operating undercover in a wide array of…

By Design Committee – Gerald Ratner Athletics Center Feb. 6, 2013 ADMINISTRATION BUILDING, ROOM 301 Attendees Chairman of the Board of Trustees: Edgar D. Jannotta Vice-Chairman of the Board of Trustees: James S.…

By Nora Helfand Jan. 7, 2013 You all know David Axelrod, Nate Silver, Kurt Vonnegut, and Vixen; Edwin Hubble, John Ashcroft, Roger Ebert and Blitzen. But do you recall the most obscure College…

By Walker King Nov. 12, 2012 Details have just begun to emerge regarding the conditions in Professor Barry Heitzman’s section of the Greek Thought and Literature class, where students were reportedly kept chained…

By Matt Montequin Oct. 25, 2012 You may remember vodka from high school. All vodka is essentially rubbing alcohol, or so you thought on prom night. If you are a premium adult beverage…

Washington, D.C., 1860 Citizens across the country have expressed concern that a proposed single-payer healthcare system would limit their choice of which breeder supplies their medical leeches. The proposed reforms, informally dubbed LeechCare,…

By Chicago Shady Dealer Romance Division Feb. 6, 2019                Alright. Real talk. No jokes. Knock-Knock. Who’s there? Love, motherfucker. We did the research, — well actually,…

By Audrey Fromson Dec. 5, 2018 Maybe you were late to cuffing season. Or maybe you’ve been banned from participating in your friend group’s Secret Santa after spending $0.07 over the limit for Janet last…

By Adam Lowinger Nov. 2, 2018 Following a new rule permitting the use of melee weapons, a recent report has shown a rise in injuries among Humans Versus Zombies players.  Humans Vs Zombies (HVZ)…