By Chris Deakin Nov. 7, 2012 A survey of Hyde Park bicycle riders released Friday has found that the majority are unable to get off of their bikes once they have entered the…

By Daniel Moattar Oct. 20, 2012 CHICAGO, I.L. — Researchers at Northwestern University’s Department of Planetary Sciences announced the discovery of water in the Chicago River, confirming results of two years of battery…

By Jean-Jacques Buterbaugh Dec. 5, 2018 You got home for winter break the other day but you can feel a lingering tension in the air. Your parents seem excited to see you but they…

By Harry Weinstein Dec. 5, 2018 Last Thursday, Dean John Boyer unveiled a new wellness initiative: Dental Health Awareness Week. Dean Boyer said the campaign was put in place to ensure no student forgets…

By Oliva Reeves Nov. 2, 2018 Following numerous requests from students doing last-minute back-to-school shopping, the UChicago Bookstore announced this week that it will add a selection of liquor to its already-expansive merchandise collection. …

By Tsing Sum Lo Oct. 26, 2018   Infernal sources from the 4th Circle of Hell report that the spirits of George J. Stigler and Milton Friedman let out soul-splitting moans from their…

By Jacob Johnson Sept. 24, 2018   In an unprecedented legal action, Bay Area resident Thomas Harshburger filed a complaint today against none other than the Sun, the well-known star orbited by planet…

By The Editors May 25, 2018 Dearest Reader(s),     Over the past year, we have had the humbling, back-breaking honor of serving as Editors-in-Chief for the Chicago Shady Dealer, and we want…

By Ryan Fleishman May 5, 2018 Terra, 3708 Following the Council Of the Wise’s decision to introduce evolution into breeding pod curriculum, the Association of Giant Tentacle Monsters has formally announced their refusal to acknowledge…

By David North April 20, 2018 Cobb Cafe Art Installation The experimental student art installation “Cobb Cafe,” located in the basement of the historic Cobb Lecture Hall (5811 S. Ellis), will close this week.…