By Teddy Zamborsky Dec. 8, 2014 T’was the night before finals and all the through the dorm Not a student was stirring, trying to keep warm The papers were done, written without a…

By Morgan Pantuck Nov. 16, 2014 Traditional UChicago folklore includes the long-held superstition that stepping on the seal in the Reynolds club will prevent you from graduating in 4 years. That legend was…

By Daniel Moattar Oct. 26, 2014 University President Robert Zimmer was sighted Thursday indulging in an unusual snack – for the fifth time in recent memory. According to eyewitnesses, President Zimmer once again…

By Morgan Pantuck Oct. 13, 2014 1. Moaning 2. Rattling chains 3. Levitating objects 4. Seeking vengeance from beyond the grave. 5. Reminding me of my late great-aunt. 6. Replacing the milk in…

By Alex Dunlap May 13, 2014 Robert J. Zimmer was seriously injured last week after a run-in with a mountain lion outside his University Avenue home. According to reports, President Zimmer was fumbling…

By Alex Foster April 20, 2014 Here at The Chicago Shady Dealer, a publication with a mission, we strive to pass on awesome stories about the stuff that matters. Well, we believe that…

By Evan Bernstein Feb. 22, 2014 According to sources familiar with the matter, UChicago tour guide Eric Wilson unabashedly lied to a group of prospective undergraduates at 3:35 p.m. Central Standard Time last…

By Noah Lemelson (year 2116) Jan. 22, 2014 Following a landslide re-election victory over opponent Xylox Phnltük, President Skintaker-9000 took to the podium this week for his second inaugural address. “When I first…

By Mary Vansuch Nov. 9, 2013 “My exercise goal was to be able to run a ten-minute mile and lift twenty pounds. I actually ran 9:50 and lifted thirty yesterday, so I’m more…

By John Abarr Oct. 29, 2013 There’s nothing like the Autumn. The leaves start changing and the air gets cooler, and we’re once again entering my favorite season. As soon as the temperature…