By Mary Vansuch March 3, 2016 Danny McDonald, areaa University of Chicago second– year undergraduate reported to be of “the whitest, upper class fashion”, was left fundamentally confused on Super Tuesday as to why…

By Teddy Zamborsky Feb. 18, 2016 Sources close to tThe Dealer confirmed today that several prominent Tumblr users plan t to spend the better part of 2016 really getting into alchemy. The curator…

By Willamina Groething Jan. 24, 2016

By Ryan Fleishman, 1318 Jan. 22, 2016 Lately, I haven’t been feeling so great. My knees hurt a bit, I have a bruise on my arm, and I coughed a couple times yesterday.…

By Willamina Groething Dec. 31, 2015 One Chicago UPS truck delivered more than mail this past Tuesday: the surprise of the week was brought to residents’ front doors when local UPS delivery man…

By Nik Varley Nov. 19, 2015 Point: Mom and Ddad, I’m cComing oOut of the cCloset By Son Hey mMom and dDad, I brought you guys here because I have an important announcement…

By Nico Aldape Nov. 11, 2015 In aone of recently decommissioned Nintendo’s manyfactory in Yokohama, Japanese factories, inspectors found a dust-laden room filled with 50 thousand unreleased copies of “Super Waluigi.” At a…

By Daniel Ruttenberg Oct. 23, 2015 In a shocking turn of events, during his Monday talk and book signing at Mandel Hall, Junot Diaz revealed that he still has not decided whether he…

By Ashwin Rao Oct. 12, 2015 Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders was mysteriously missing from the stage at the first Democratic Presidential Primary Debate. The debate began with a camera pan to reveal that…

By Vivienne Foumeau, Paris Correspondent Aug. 1, 2015 Make sure you are visibly positioned among your group friends as you loiter, perhaps on a street corner or in a public park. With a…