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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Griffin Bonnin Jones, Andrea Zhou

Managing Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Deputy Managing Editor

Vivian Psylos

Layout Editor

Justin Bilenker

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Undergrad Begins Quest For Truth

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Zach Augustine Aug. 2, 2013 Incoming first-year Sally Danderson is determined to finally solve not one but several of the vital issues that have been plaguing philosophy for all of recorded human…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Good Thing Nearly Allowed to Happen

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Daniel Moattar May 23, 2013 WASHINGTON, CHICAGO, NEW YORK, LOS ANGELES, JOHANNESBURG, TOKYO, NEW DELHI, CAIRO, SHANGHAI, BUENOS AIRES, SAO PAULO, JERUSALEM, BEIRUT – A consistent pattern of global economic, social, and…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    The Chicago Shady Dealer endorses Slate Slate

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Editorial Board April 23, 2013 The University of Chicago has a rocky road ahead. Recently, our school has been rocked by a number of scandals, and we can’t afford to remain sedimentary…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Editorial: What’s the curve on this nuclear test?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Kim Jong-un Feb. 24, 2013 Professor? Hey, professor? I was just wondering – about that test last week? Yeah, the nuclear test. We had to set off the device underground and everything…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    I admittedly have no idea what this says

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Arabic Court Scribe Feb. 4, 2013 Medina, Muslim Empire, 651 A.D./30 A.H.: Greetings, Commander of the Believers. I know you’ve been a busy man lately, minting the first Islamic coins, sending an…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Homeless Man Fined for Littering Himself

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Mark Boykin Dec. 17, 2012 A man living on the streets of Chicago was fined $300 dollars for littering when a policeman found him sleeping in an alleyway. Cedric Galloway, the homeless…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    University Classrooms Taken Over by “That Kid” Translations

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Kiara Nerenberg Nov. 7, 2012 A new wave of “uncommon-ness” has hit University of Chicago classrooms, this time in the form of rare textbook editions. “At first, it was just a few…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Area Dog Learns to Use Facebook

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Hannah Gitlin Oct. 21, 2012 It’’s dinnertime in the Powell household. Steven and Gwen Powell, and their children Anna, 17, and Sarah, 15, are seated around the dinner table. The family dog,…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Op-Ed: Eight Nights is a Little Excessive

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Sam Nitkin Dec. 8, 2018 Growing up a young Jewish boy in a predominantly Christian area, I get it. You never had a Christmas tree. Your attempts to get your dad to…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Trump Dodges Battle for House, Blames Bone Spur

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By John Buterbaugh Dec. 5, 2018 With shades of the seventies, Donald Trump managed to dodge responsibility for yet another conflict: this time, the battle for the U.S. House of Representatives. At a press…

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Read It and Weep

  • Join Singe
  • Wet Socks Make Students More Productive, Says Designer of the Sidewalk Outside Cobb Hall
  • Trans Fats Banned a Second Time for Being Woke
  • The Campus Printer Decides My Essay Is Simply Not Meant to Be
  • Alivisatos to Demolish the “bad parts” of Harper Library for a square-dancing arena
  • University installs large trapdoor in the Reg that swallows students, Tuition still Rising
  • Professor Who Takes Ten Weeks to Grade Papers Shocked by Late Assignment
  • Everyone Saw You Press “No Tip”
  • Study Reveals 90% of Group Project Work Done by One Sad Student
  • Bartlett to Follow Agriculture Department Advice: Meals to Feature Tortilla, Broccoli, and Maybe Chicken

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