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“Noodles” Exposed: What’s Really on the ‘Etc.’ Menu Will Shock You
By David Marques Oct. 17, 2016 Noodles Etc:tc. A beloved 57th Street staple, modestly priced pan-Asian eatery, and a hell of a lot closer than that other Thai place., wWe’ve all eaten our…
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A New Approach to Love: This New Dating App Allows You to Connect With People in your SOSC Class
By Daniel Ruttenberg Oct. 12, 2016 Well, dating just got a whole lot easier! :). Dating apps like Tinder and Coffee Meets Bagel have made it a lot easier to find your special…
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Point: All My Feelings Are Valid
By Morgan Pantuck Aug. 21, 2016 We live in an overwhelmingly patriarchal society. The male experience is considered standard and objective, while women are viewed as incomplete or deviant forms of men. For…
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New Admissions Flowchart Announced
By Morgan Pantuck July 7, 2016 In addition to Regular Decision and Early Action, the University of Chicago recently decided to add Early Decision 1 and 2 to it’s list of application options.…
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First Year Clearly Faking Hickey
By Daniel Ruttenberg May 13, 2016 It is pretty damn obvious to all bystanders that first year Jack Rowler showed up toat Professor Hills‘’ Reading Cultures class with a fake hickey. “I think…
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Study Finds Overheard At UChicago Most Calm, Neutral Discussion Forum
By Nico Aldape May 2, 2016 A new University of Chicago Department of Sociology study has found that the Facebook group “Overheard at UChicago” is, in fact, the University’s most neutral, objective group…
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Man Called “Big Dave” Confirmed To Be Big
By Ryan Fleishman April 22, 2016 After an exhaustive search into the various quantitative measurements of local resident David “Big Dave” Smith, scientists from the University of Chicago have announced Tuesday they have…
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Creepy: Scientists Have Created a Marco Rubio with Sentience
By Daniel Ruttenberg Feb. 18, 2016 Has science gone too far this time? Researchers in the Department of Computer Science at the University of Chicago have created a new model of Marco Rubio…
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Nobel Laureate Robert J. Zimmer, 1947-2056
By Willamina Groething, 2056 Jan. 24, 2016 Robert Jeffrey Zimmer, age 108, beloved husband of Shadi Bartsch, of Chicago, IL, died at home Tuesday September 26, 2056. The Nobel Peace Laureate was the…
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Electricity is Just a Fad, Horses are Forever
By Ashwin Rao, 1879 Jan. 22, 2016 Harken! Relieve your ears of the falsehood of the young rapscallions, Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Edison and other conjurers of electric spirits. Do not yield to…