-
Arley D. Cathey Learning Center to become Arley D. Cathey Tropical Oasis
By Catherine Alvarez-McCurdy Nov. 7, 2012 At a recent press conference, Dean of the College John Boyer announced plans to transform the Arley D. Cathey Learning Center, formerly Harper Reading Room, into the…
-
Entire Class of 2016 Drowns
By Walker King Oct. 21, 2012 Tragedy struck the University of Chicago last week when the entire class of 2016 drowned in a series of freak accidents across the Chicago area. School officials…
-
Op-Ed: Eight Nights is a Little Excessive
By Sam Nitkin Dec. 8, 2018 Growing up a young Jewish boy in a predominantly Christian area, I get it. You never had a Christmas tree. Your attempts to get your dad to…
-
Trump Dodges Battle for House, Blames Bone Spur
By John Buterbaugh Dec. 5, 2018 With shades of the seventies, Donald Trump managed to dodge responsibility for yet another conflict: this time, the battle for the U.S. House of Representatives. At a press…
-
Prospective Student Taken Hostage by Cadre of Hyde Park Squirrels
By Troy Sharp Nov. 2, 2018 A spokesperson for the University of Chicago Police Department (UCPD) announced that California Bay Area Resident Ben Miller was taken captive by a scurry of squirrels…
-
Is UChicago’s Environment Giving You Depression or Do You Just Deserve to Die? Look Out for These Five Signs!
by Cornelius Amadeus Ginger III Oct. 26, 2018 It’s third week and, if you’re like me, you’re probably just now realizing how your limited success in high school makes you nothing but a…
-
Three Reasons You Should Write for Us (The Chicago Shady Dealer) Instead of Posting in the Meme Pages
By Deblina Mukherjee Sept. 24, 2018 1. When people ask if you peaked in college, you will be able to unambiguously answer, “No!” Ah, the thrill of posting memes regurgitated from Twitter and…
-
An Ode to Our Only Reader
By Ella Hester May 25, 2018 Hey Ed Zamb You’re the manb You have a son named Teddy And a heart that’s ready To ‘like’ our pieces Your support never ceases Never leave…
-
Pirates Beat Scurvy With New Invention: “Bud Light Lime”
By Ryan Fleishman May 5, 2018 A Cure for Scurvy In an unprecedented stroke of maritime genius, local pirate captain Bart Seaman staved off scurvy for his entire pirate crew by inventing a new…
-
Grounds of Being Ascends to Heaven
By Jughead Greg April 20, 2018 A Swift Rapture University coffee shop Grounds of Being rose into the sky this past Sunday, in what observers have called the greatest modern miracle since The Wire. …
