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Am I Happy in this Relationship or Am I Just Passing Math?
By Baunnee Martinez Nov. 12, 2016 The soft, silky sheet. The streaks of gray that flutter across the page. The brush of the red pen on the the top corner of the calculus…
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New in Literature: Fifty Shades of Maroon, a Glimpse into the Secret Life of Dean John W. Boyer
By M.E.M.E. Oct. 17, 2016 When a third3rd year Shady Dealer reporter goes to interview American historian and Dean of the College at the University of Chicago, John W. Boyer, he encounters a…
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I Don’t Know Whether I Want to Spend Family Weekend With My Parents or the Pope
By Sofia Garcia Oct. 12, 2016 Family Weekend is here, which means that students will get the opportunity to spend the weekend with their parents in what is sure to be an emotional…
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Counterpoint: You Are Crying at a Cheerio
By Morgan’s Sense of Self Awareness Aug. 21, 2016 I’m not going to deny that we live in a male-dominated society which consistently attempts to delegitimize the female experience. However, you are currently…
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We Fucking Hate Pandas
By University Administration July 8, 2016 Over the past few years, the UChicago Office of Sustainability has worked with campus and community partners on several important projects, including ventures to improve waste reduction…
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Area Man totally would have gotten that Goldman Sachs Internship had he applied
By Liam Coles May 13, 2016 Today at around 5PM CST Second Year Economics Major Kenneth Moore was seen overtly lying about his marketability and desirability in the A level of the Regenstein…
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Pope Francis and Bernie Sanders Team Up to Become Crime-Fighting Team
By Adam Lowinger May 2, 2016 FollowingAs a result of their brief meeting in the Vatican, in which the two discussed their shared ideology concerning globabl poverty, Pope Francis and Vermont Senator Bernie…
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United States Rewrites Foreign Policy In Wake Of Student Government Decision
By Ryan Fleishman April 22, 2016 Following The University of Chicago Student Government’s majority decision to support the boycott, divest, and sanction resolution against Israel, President Barack Obama and the entire United States…
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Bio-Curious Student Registers for Genetics Class
By Morgan Pantuck Feb. 18, 2016 Second-year and self-described “bio-curious” student Jenny Anderson was seen earlier this week registering for BIOS 11128, an introductory biology course for non-majors. Anderson, 19, told the Dealer…
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Macklemore Searching for New Marginalized Group to Save
By Liam Coles Jan. 29, 2016 Rapper and Social Justice Warrior Ben “Macklemore” Haggerty is currently searching for another marginalized group save after yet again putting an end to an injustice with his…
