By Nik Varley Nov. 15, 2016 Student’s in Professor Walden’s History of Philosophy class were surprised to learn today that their visiting professor was in fact a swarm of locusts in a tweed…

By Marlin Figgins Nov. 12, 2016 It’s beginning a lot like Christmas, all over my dorm room’s floor… Every single time I come home from a long night of studying in the Reg,…

By Katie Zellner Oct. 14, 2016 Undisclosed members of the Maroon Key Society leaked Monday the administration’s future architecture plans to replace all dorms with ivory towers.   The correlation between the new…

By Adam Lowinger Oct. 11, 2016 Does the following apply to you? You’ve just had a tragic breakup with the person you thought would be the one, and now you’re stuck with your…

By Rusty Pecker Aug. 6, 2016 God, I love college so far. The independence, the intellectual rigor, the dollar milkshakes. Shit man, it’s the best. Honestly, my favorite part of it is the…

By Morgan Pantuck Oct. 21, 2015 According to eyewitness reports, area undergraduate Wendy Robinson’s new hygienic rituals have officially ended after only three days of implementation. Robinson, 20, promised herself that she would…

By Chase Harrison May 13, 2016 Citing “irreconcilable differences,” Pro-Israel and Pro-Palestinian groups on campus have agreed to split the campus territory between each other. In a rare joint statement, leaders of the…

By Nik Varley April 26, 2016 In an event that can only be described as a tragedy, area student Sarah McDowell finished her drink while she was only halfway through her meal. The…

By Nico Aldape April 20, 2016 IInspired by the proposedhow the federal government may move of marijuana from a Schedule I to Schedule II controlled substance, which would allow for further recreational use…

By Morgan Pantuck Feb. 18, 2016 Step 1: Be Confident. Using a group room for individual study is an exercise in confidence. Maybe you belong there, maybe you don’t. Fake it till you…