By Katie Zellner and Morgan Pantuck Sept. 7, 2016 By Katie Zellner and Morgan Pantuck 1. When he invited you over to look at his sheets. Unfortunately, those weren’t 400-thread-count Egyptian cotton, but…

By Daniel Ruttenberg July 31, 2016 A recent Omance between Benjamin Brooks and Cate Preston has gone Oorly, according to anonymous Ources. The Ources say Brooks and Preston Oth live in Ony Island…

By Paul Alves May 14, 2016 Jeb! and Hillary Clinton have announced a joint effort to stop the political momentum of Donald Trump: a brand new campaign cooking line. This line of accoutrements will help…

By Nico Aldape May 13, 2016 In a recent study published by multiple members of the University of Chicago Department of Statistics, recently murdered deceased statistics professor Angelino Drinkwater has been found uniformlynormally…

By Teddy Zamborsky April 23, 2016 Last week, I convinced Domino’s Pizza to bake me into a giant pie. A pizza pie. Like tThe kind with cheese, not fruit. Look at the picture,.…

By Juan Caicedo Feb. 19, 2016 Western society already trails a long litany of discrimination behind it, including racism, homophobia, and misogyny. But so far one form of discrimination has been left out:…

By Walker King Feb. 15, 2016 John “Jay” Ellison, Dean of Students in the College at the University of Chicago, spent a romantic and relaxing Valentine’s Day alone in his office, primarily responding…

By David North, 1620 Jan. 22, 2016 Earlier this week, a group of English separatists fled the hostile religious climate of Europe and happened upon the popular alternative rock music festival, Lollapalooza. The…

By Milena Pross Jan. 4, 2016 I was so excited to have a roommate in college.F from first impressions alone, Edna seemed great. But we’re a quarter in, and I’m requesting to move…

By Ryan Fleishman Dec. 1, 2015 After all classes and activities aton thethe entire University of Chicago‘s Hyde Park campus wereas cancelled and the campus putput on lockdown due to a terrorist threat…