By Shady Dealer Editorial Board Jan. 10, 2015 At the moment we exit the womb, we enter into a pervasive societal delusion. The mothers who raise us and nurture us also claim to…

By Chicago Shady Dealer Nov. 27, 2014 New Police Handbook Instructs Officers to Close Their Eyes, Spin Around Three Times Before Shooting An update to a national police best practices guide will instruct…

By Editorial Board Nov. 16, 2014 We realize that at the University of Chicago, stress can get to you. There are classes to take, midterms for which to study, student groups in which…

By Willamina Groething Oct. 24, 2014 President Obama’s recent Chicago visit was interrupted Sunday by what White House officials are calling a “misunderstanding” with the University of Chicago Police Department. The UCPD responded…

By Chris Deakin Aug. 4, 2014 RH’s Child Knows What You Did With Orientation Week in its second day, sources close to Resident Heads George and Patty Finch of Janotta House can confirm…

By Mary Vansuch April 20, 2014 University of Chicago freshmen  was bestowed a MacArthur Award last Monday for accomplishing a truly extraordinary task: using his friend Alex’s preferred gender pronoun, “they.” When…

By The Easter Bunny April 20, 2014 There will be an attack. I can’t tell you when or where, but it is going to happen. Soon. And there will be casualties. In the…

By Mary Vansuch Feb. 20, 2014 Whales rallied throughout the ocean yesterday in protest against recent efforts on the part of ecologically sensitive sea mammals to “Save the Patriarchy.” Protesters wondered why the…

By Dan Brier Dec. 29, 2013 Campus fraternities and sororities are ramping up their preparations to celebrate the Greek holiday of Φώτα, the centerpiece of the annual triduum beginning January 5th and ending…

By Kelly Keough Nov. 9, 2013 These days, getting in to the club can be one of the most difficult achievements in a young person’s life, and has been shown to have a…