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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Griffin Bonnin Jones, Andrea Zhou

Managing Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Deputy Managing Editor

Vivian Psylos

Layout Editor

Justin Bilenker

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    “I Don’t Live in a Bubble!” Student Tweets from Mansueto

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Sam Nitkin Dec. 5, 2018 At 12:38 p.m. on Wednesday, November 27, first-year student Katherine Blake tweeted to her 891 followers, “I don’t live in a bubble!” from the interior of the…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Every HUMA Class Ranked by How Badly You Have to Shit During it

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Christian Villanueva Nov. 11, 2018 8. Readings in World Literature How can a class make you need to poop? You don’t have to poop at all! You’re having a blast reading The…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    How to Communicate with Your Parents Through Your Amazon Order History

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Audrey Fromson Oct. 27, 2018 It’s amazingly easy to forget about the people who brought us into this world. Ghosting my parents is my fatal flaw; while it makes me seem cool…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    First Impressions: Writing a Bomb AF SOSC Essay

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Ella Hester Sept. 24, 2018   Look at you, in your little first year boots, squealing in terror about the impression you’ll make with your first SOSC essay. Have no fear, baby…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    From Russia with Language Barriers: 2018 World Cup Coverage

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Diego Matamoros June 18, 2018 Welcome to the World Cup We here at the Shady Dealer are proud to present our coverage of the 2018 World Cup, the most notable sporting event…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Where Are They Now? Checking in With The Class of 1890

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Deblina Mukherjee May 5, 2018 Hyde Park, 2018 For more than 265 years, University of Chicago alumni have contributed extensively to the life of the University and to the larger society. Today,…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    “I Got Rectally Stimulated by Toilet Water, And I Liked It”

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Cyrus Pacht April 20, 2018 I am a paragon of heterosexuality, or so my fraternity tells me. I’ve ogled girls since the third grade, and once—surpassing many a UChicago male—ventured to speak…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Album Review: Justin Timberlake’s “Man of the Woods”

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Nik Varley Feb. 20, 2018 Justin Timberlake In 1804, Lewis and Clark set forth on an incredible journey to explore the uncharted wilderness of the American Frontier. It is in the spirit…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Homeopathic Breakthrough! “Expired Advil”

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Milena Pross Jan. 30, 2018 Throw all your arnica out the window and flush your chamomile down the toilet, folks! The doctors and doctors-adjacent just found the coolest new salve Gwyneth won’t…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    FIJI Social Chair Sadly Deletes Pinterest Page of Three Months

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Tex Drubo May 15, 2017 “It is just such a waste,” lamented Phi Gamma Delta’s Social Chair Josh Henderson. “Months of work went into this theme – all those months, down the…

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Read It and Weep

  • Heists are back baby! Let’s steal the haunted amulet in the basement of Mansueto
  • Confused Animal Rights Group seen protesting outside NFL HQ after Bad Bunny announcement
  • Religious Studies Class Taught by Pope Leo XIV Cancelled Due to Federal Cuts
  • Trump accidentally destroys East Wing of Woodlawn
  • All Microeconomics 101 Students Swapped into Beginner Akkadian in Add-Drop Fiasco
  • First Year Formally Reprimanded for Failing to Intellectualize Homesickness
  • University to introduce affirmative action for guys named Sean (Shaun and Shawn excluded)
  • In his second memoir, “Ignore My First One,” Vance reveals that the root of his anger toward Zelensky was his thick lashes.
  • 12 Days of UChicago Finals
  • LA Dodgers Fan finds out the Dodgers are a Baseball team and not a Hat Company

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