By Nik Varley April 26, 2016 In an event that can only be described as a tragedy, area student Sarah McDowell finished her drink while she was only halfway through her meal. The…

By Nico Aldape April 20, 2016 IInspired by the proposedhow the federal government may move of marijuana from a Schedule I to Schedule II controlled substance, which would allow for further recreational use…

By Morgan Pantuck Feb. 18, 2016 Step 1: Be Confident. Using a group room for individual study is an exercise in confidence. Maybe you belong there, maybe you don’t. Fake it till you…

By Mildred Prossmith, 1912 Jan. 22, 2016 Dear Esteemed “Chicago Shady Dealer,” I’m writing to you as a concerned citizen who has been repeatedly turned away from The Chicago Tribune and The New…

By Charlotte Rieder, 2075 Jan. 22, 2016 “CHICAGO, IL”—Oobserving the not-quite-bleak landscape in front of him, Mark Ackerman, a survivor of The Disaster, reported that life in the Territory—formerly known as the United…

By Mr. Z, Ted’s Cool Dad Dec. 31, 2015 When you spend a lot of time with your kids, you start to get an idea of what makes them tick. My son Ted,…

By Heather Barry Nov. 19, 2015 Point: Everything is Fine EPoint: Everything Is FineYesEverything is By Morgan Pantuck’s RationalityHeather Barry It is my strong belief that, at this moment in time, everything is…

By Reed Thurston Nov. 11, 2015 Eyewitness reports confirmed recently that Alan Sanderson, senior Economics lecturer for the University of Chicago, was trapped underneath an upturned carboard box on the northeast corner of…

By Dan Lastres Oct. 22, 2015 On Friday night, local introvert Tim Jericho took a major step forward for introverts everywhere when he poured himself a rum and lemonade in the comfort of…

By Katie Zellner Oct. 12, 2015 Since the dawn of man, there has been debate about the value of a liberal arts education and, as a University of Chicago alumnus, I just want…