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Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Why the University of Chicago Should Divest from my Ex-Girlfriend

    Nik Varley / April 5, 2016

    The University of Chicago is one of the most respected universities in the world, both as a college and research institution, and this respect creates a certain amount of responsibility, especially in regards…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Citizens Worried Proposed Single Payer System Will Force Them to Change Leech Provider

    Nik Varley / March 16, 2013

    Washington, D.C., 1860 Citizens across the country have expressed concern that a proposed single-payer healthcare system would limit their choice of which breeder supplies their medical leeches. The proposed reforms, informally dubbed LeechCare,…

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Read It and Weep

  • “Have You Heard of Dr. Seuss?” Asks Guy Who Just Found Out About Dr. Seuss
  • First-Year Declares Intent to Speed-Run College
  • White House Downplays Reports of Trump, Epstein “I Heart Pedophilia” Friendship Bracelets
  • Virtual Reality Game Sucker Debuts to Much Fanfare
  • Hear! Hear! Selling 10 Packs of Light Bulbs for the Low Price of $1500
  • UChicago Requires Library+ to Access Books
  • Point: We Should Increase Fire Drills/Counterpoint: Let’s Add A Gym Requirement Instead
  • Apply for the Royal Internship
  • Bridge Between Quad and Reg Somehow Collapses Despite Being Solid Road
  • “Back to Basics” Aims of Education Address Stresses, Shapes, Counting

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