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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Griffin Bonnin Jones, Andrea Zhou

Managing Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Deputy Managing Editor

Vivian Psylos

Layout Editor

Justin Bilenker

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Poverty Finally Solved When Everyone Just Tries Harder

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Daniel Moattar Feb. 24, 2014 A collaborative research project of the MIT Sloan School of Economics and the University of Chicago’s Becker Friedman Institute claims to have produced an unorthodox solution to…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    America’s Most European Supermarket, Indeed: Treasure Island Files for Bankruptcy

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Chicago Shady Dealer News Desk Sept. 29, 2018   Treasure Island, a Hyde Park grocery store that touts itself as “America’s Most European Supermarket” took its emulation of Europe a step further…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Kellogg’s “Rasputin-O’s” Not Selling So Well in Russia

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Nico Aldape Nov. 25, 2016 In an attempt to remain a global and healthy cereal brand, Kellogg’s introduced “Rasputin-O’s” in Russia. While expecting the cereal to be a nutritious and delicious hit…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    7 Weirdest Things You’ll Find in the Basements of Academic Buildings

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Chase Harrison Oct. 16, 2015 1. A Sex Dungeon: Thanks to generous funding from the Uncommon Fund, RACK, UChicago’s BDSM Club, there is now a fully equipped sex dungeon in the basement…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    30% of UChicago Crushes Written While Masturbating

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Morgan Pantuck Nov. 9, 2013 Winter is coming, and so, apparently, are our students. New polling data reveals that as many as 30% of UChicago Crushes are actually written while masturbating. UChicago…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Letter from the Editors: Please Buy Us Sinclair Broadcast Group

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Daniel Lastres and Milena Pross April 20, 2018 To the lovely people, responsible journalists, and concerned citizens of the Sinclair Broadcast Group: We understand that your organization is working tirelessly to acquire…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Four Things to Do When You’re Sexiled

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Sue Donim Oct. 13, 2016 We’ve all been there. You‘re are making your way back to your dorm after a long night of studying, only to find a sock has been sloppily…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    An Exclusive Interview with My Least Favorite Neighbor

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Milena Pross May 26, 2015 n Exclusive Interview with my Least Favorite NeighborYou waited months and months, and The Chicago Shady Dealer finally got hold of him. I sat down with none…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    New Delhi Opens on 55th Street

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Matthew Goldenberg May 27, 2013 As part of the University of Chicago’s effort to revitalize commercial activity in Hyde Park, several new restaurants and stores havebeen established along 53rd and 55th Streets…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    FIJI Social Chair Sadly Deletes Pinterest Page of Three Months

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Tex Drubo May 15, 2017 “It is just such a waste,” lamented Phi Gamma Delta’s Social Chair Josh Henderson. “Months of work went into this theme – all those months, down the…

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Read It and Weep

  • Heists are back baby! Let’s steal the haunted amulet in the basement of Mansueto
  • Confused Animal Rights Group seen protesting outside NFL HQ after Bad Bunny announcement
  • Religious Studies Class Taught by Pope Leo XIV Cancelled Due to Federal Cuts
  • Trump accidentally destroys East Wing of Woodlawn
  • All Microeconomics 101 Students Swapped into Beginner Akkadian in Add-Drop Fiasco
  • First Year Formally Reprimanded for Failing to Intellectualize Homesickness
  • University to introduce affirmative action for guys named Sean (Shaun and Shawn excluded)
  • In his second memoir, “Ignore My First One,” Vance reveals that the root of his anger toward Zelensky was his thick lashes.
  • 12 Days of UChicago Finals
  • LA Dodgers Fan finds out the Dodgers are a Baseball team and not a Hat Company

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