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The Golden Man In the Oscar Should Hold a Tinier, Golder Oscar
By Daniel Ruttenberg Dec. 31, 2015 1. The Golden Man Might Get Lonely! People aren’t the only ones who get lonely, you know. The Golden Man deserves a friend too. 2. The Oscar…
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Thousands Will Dye
By The Easter Bunny April 20, 2014 There will be an attack. I can’t tell you when or where, but it is going to happen. Soon. And there will be casualties. In the…
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Bill Clinton Spotted Fighting with FIJI Bouncer
By Diego Pedulla-Smith and Wesley Adams Oct. 22, 2018 Students enjoying a lively Saturday night may have gotten a little more excitement than they had anticipated after President Bill Clinton got into…
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Provost’s Typo Blamed for Epidemic of Open Intercourse All over Campus
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I Heard Our Football Team Might Actually be Pretty Good This Year
By Jacob Levin- Sports Editor Oct. 20, 2015 I know what you’re thinking. This is the University of Chicago, a school better known for its rigorous academics, storied traditions, and wild frat parties…
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8 of 9 Students in Your Problem Session Just Want To Be Held
By James Newton Nov. 9, 2013 At the conclusion of a four-year study, College statistics major Maya D’Angelo has revealed that the vast majority of students in math and science courses who attend…
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Op-Ed: Well, This Whole Pope Smoke System Is Nutso!
By Priest Geoff May 1, 2018 The Vatican, 1500 A.D. Well, here I was at the Vatican, ready for the best study abroad of all time. I’d been holed up at the seminary…
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University Transfers to New Bone Based Meal Plan with Bone Appetite
By Nik Varley Oct. 14, 2016 Students returning from their summer break were surprised to find the meal stations in their dining halls filled with various animal bones. The change prompted by the…
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Gay Marriage Stance Added to Official List of Yoga Poses
By Alexander Dunlap May 26, 2015 Yoga practitioners faced an expanded repertoire last week, as new asanas were added by the Yoga Council to the official list of yoga poses. Most discussed among…
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Open Forum on Accessibility To Be Held In Rockefeller Tower
By Stephen Lurie May 27, 2013 Following increased campus pressure for improved disability services, the University administration announced on Tuesday an open forum on campus accessibility issues, to be held in the tower…
