By Milena Pross Nov. 15, 2016 I was recently informed that many students, specifically biological science majors, are frequently given the opportunity to wear gloves and dissect hearts, brains, eyes, and other organs…

By Ashwin Rao Oct. 12, 2015 Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders was mysteriously missing from the stage at the first Democratic Presidential Primary Debate. The debate began with a camera pan to reveal that…

By Mark Sands Nov. 9, 2013 A massive, longitudinal study has determined that Todd Johnson, a third-year in the College, has live leads thehardest most difficult life of any University of Chicago student.…

By Jughead Greg April 20, 2018 A Swift Rapture University coffee shop Grounds of Being rose into the sky this past Sunday, in what observers have called the greatest modern miracle since The Wire. …

By Daniel Ruttenberg Oct. 12, 2016 Well, dating just got a whole lot easier! :). Dating apps like Tinder and Coffee Meets Bagel have made it a lot easier to find your special…

By Zelda April 27, 2015 Aquarium: Your soul mate was born today. Pervert. Pieces: Turn left in 0.5 miles. Your destination will be on the right. Keep an eye out for stop signs,…

By Stephen Lurie April 29, 2013 In a move that is bound to shock the homosexual world, Senator Tammy Baldwin has revealed that she is a professional basketball player for the Milwaukee Bucks…

By Dan Lastres & Milena Pross Oct. 17, 2017 Dear Dan, How are you? My first few weeks of class have been good but stressful. At first I took four classes, but now…

By Chase Harrison May 13, 2016 Citing “irreconcilable differences,” Pro-Israel and Pro-Palestinian groups on campus have agreed to split the campus territory between each other. In a rare joint statement, leaders of the…

By Cub Reporter Jacob Levin Jan. 14, 2015 The NBA recently approved a trade between the Portland Trailblazers and the Los Angeles Clippers in which the Trailblazers will give $2 million to the…