By Nik Varley Jan. 19, 2018 Image by Aubrey Christofersen  There’s a new health craze going around, and it’s not what you think! Fed up with demanding diets, cleanses and workout routines, many…

By Jacob Johnson Oct. 17, 2017 Greetings, fellow first-years! My name is Jacob Johnson, and while you don’t remember me by name, you probably remember me as the awkward blond kid whose sweaty…

By Dan Lastres Aug. 25, 2017 It’s no secret that the university’s finances are not in great shape.; Between a struggling endowment and a high demand for buildings to name, the administration has…

By Claire Holland Aug. 17, 2017 When first year Abby Kincaid first stepped foot on campus, she knew it was home. “It was like, my whole life I had been too smart for…

By Morgan Pantuck May 8, 2017 Reckless Partygoer Blindly Presses Apartment BuzzerBy Morgan Pantuck Onlookers were shocked earlier this weekend when local partygoer Josh Casey pressed an apartment buzzer and allowed several unknown…

By Chase Harrison April 17, 2017 Returning from an eventful prospie weekend, incoming first year Maximilian Rothman of Downer’s Grove, Illinois could not stop gushing to his parents about all of the new…

By Jacob Johnson March 22, 2017 Wednesday, April 10At approximately 12:47 pm this Wednesday afternoon, local UChicago first-years Timothy Burnside and Felix Gardner became locked in a stunning display of over-politeness mixed with…

By Marlin Figgins, Primordial Soup, 1.5 Billion Years Ago Feb. 6, 2017 In a new groundbreaking new study, microbiologists have been able to finally decipher cellular signals used by early prokaryotes. To the…

By George Washington, 1789 Feb. 2, 2017 This article is for all the sexy women (and men!) out there with a little wood in their teeth that don’t wanna let that get in…

By Jack U. Leighton Jan. 17, 2017 Ø  119th Congress to conduct all business via 4chan.org/pol     Ø  The freshly-inaugurated 119th Congress kicked off a historic session by rewriting the senate’s rules…