By Cyrus Pacht Nov. 21, 2016 Wilhelm Schmendrick, who in the last local election had been appointed President of the Nose Party and had previously served two years as the Minister of Nasal…

By David North Oct. 16, 2015 First-year Jack Bailey of Coulter House was seen trying to hide his girlfriend, first-year Amy Xuhao, from his parents when they visited last weekend. Bailey carefully avoided…

By Jeremy Archer Nov. 9, 2013 Highlighting the lack of any sort of protection against an atomic blast, the managing board of the Atomic Bomb Defense Task Force announced today that this year’s…

By Nik Varley April 20, 2018 Investigative journalists for the Chicago Shady Dealer have discovered the source of the grotesque and inflammatory posts frequently submitted to the popular UChicago Secrets Facebook page: a…

By Jack U. Leighton Oct. 12, 2016 Nice Diploma, is it real? Weren’t you wearing that last class? Aww, that’s really cute. You pout a little when you talk about Ovid. You wearing…

By Walker King May 26, 2015 A nostalgic Barack Obama reportedly spent most of the previous weekend in his personal bedroom, White House sources in the White House sources close to the Presidentinformed…

By Matt Montequin May 21, 2013 Yesterday afternoon, Student Government’s Committee on Recognized Student Organizations (CORSO) announced its 2012-13 RSO Award winners, with the University of Chicago Police Department (UCPD) taking top honors.…

By Deb Mukherjee Oct. 17, 2017 Justin and Amanda: Justin and Amanda. Justin and Amanda. She’s four foot eight, he’s five foot ten, could we make it any more obvious that they’re incompatible?…

By Daniel Ruttenberg May 13, 2016 It is pretty damn obvious to all bystanders that first year Jack Rowler showed up toat Professor Hills‘’ Reading Cultures class with a fake hickey. “I think…

By Editorial Bored Feb. 1, 2015 I’m a mother, and as a mother, I get the final say about anything related to my baby. I also get to opine about anything related to…