By Evan Bernstein March 1, 2015 Oh boy oh boy oh boy! Sources close to bursting from excitement report that it’s March! The sources, who wished to remain forever young and free, went…

By Matthew Goldenberg Feb. 24, 2013 In an absolutely stunning surprise this evening, the 1978 film Animal House won the Oscar for Best Picture in 2013. Despite the fact that the movie was…

By Grandad (Sam Hoffman) Aug. 17, 2017 Hi Sweetie, this is Grandpa. I hope this letter finds you well, and I hope you’re not out there having too much fun! I hear a…

By Ryan Fleishman April 22, 2016 Following The University of Chicago Student Government’s majority decision to support the boycott, divest, and sanction resolution against Israel, President Barack Obama and the entire United States…

By Daniel Moattar Nov. 16, 2014 After long deliberation, informed consideration, and an even-keeled look at the issues, America has handed the reins over to the greater of two profound evils, polling organizations…

By Chris Deakin Nov. 7, 2012 This Tuesday, at 10:45 a.m., a true and vertical bond was formed between second-year College student Ralph Stevenson and two-year Mansueto window-washing veteran Mike Howard.Time stood still…

By Dan Lastres March 25, 2017 An internal memo leaked to the Chicago Shady Dealer by an anonymous White Hhouse insider staffers says that President Trump was “sent to bed early for misbehaving,”…

By Ashwin Rao, 1879 Jan. 22, 2016 Harken! Relieve your ears of the falsehood of the young rapscallions, Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Edison and other conjurers of electric spirits. Do not yield to…

By Alex Foster May 13, 2014 Every day, millions of students enter Cathey Dining Commons eager to once more satisfy their insatiable yearnings for oil and Chicken Nugget Parmesan. And day after day,…

By Kyle Oleksiuk Nov. 2, 2018   Fridays – Filmes de la Deane            Since the first day he appeared on campus, a total ingénue, his mustache just budding on a downy and raisèd lip, John…