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Weak Roommate Declares State of Emergen-C
By Chris Deakin Dec. 24, 2013 According to a release from Brian the subletter, 5414 S. Woodlawn Ave., Apt. 2, is currently in a state of Emergen-C. The state was declared less than…
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Graduate Students United Rally Disperses After Pinkerton Detectives Open Fire
By Daniel Lastres May 5, 2018 An artist’s rendition of the fatal rally Hyde Park, 1892 In a bid to regain control of campus following more than a week of unrest, University administrators…
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University Announces Committee on Public Safety
By Teddy Zamborsky Oct. 18, 2016 University Announces Committee on Public Safety In response to what has been referred to ascalled “disruptive student protests,”, University Provost Eric Isaacs announced the re-establishment of the…
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She’s Not My Girlfriend, Mom
By Walker King May 26, 2015 Mom, I appreciate all you’ve done for me. Were it not for the fact that you selflessly feed and clothe me, and selflessly allow me to e…
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Class of 2017 Surprised by Air of Sexual Promise
By Clay Olsen Aug. 2, 2013 Most long-time inmates at the University of Chicago know that the campus and its environs are boiling cauldrons of sin, a few well-timed winks and broken condoms…
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Ask Student Health!
By Student Health Services and Student Counseling Services Jan. 30, 2018 Introducing “Ask Student Health!,” a weekly feature wherein UChicago’s very own physicians and counselors answer your health and wellness questions! After your…
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New Admissions Flowchart Announced
By Morgan Pantuck July 7, 2016 In addition to Regular Decision and Early Action, the University of Chicago recently decided to add Early Decision 1 and 2 to it’s list of application options.…
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Betty White Celebrates 200 Years With Birthday Bash
By Dan Lastres Feb. 2, 2015 HOLLYWOOD Jan. 17, 2122 Hollywood’s brightest stars gathered last Sunday for a week-long celebration of Betty White’s 200th birthday, in what was described as “the happenenist, slammenest”…
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2013 State of the Union: Arkansas
By Mark Sands Feb. 11, 2013 The Chicago Shady Dealer has obtained an early version of the address that President Obama will deliver tonight in his much-anticipated State of the Union Address. We…
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University Introduces Live Bears to Campus in Crackdown on Safe Spaces
By Reed Thurston Aug. 17, 2017 After last year’s controversial memorandum on free speech, the university doubled-down on its commitment to intellectual free enterprise this week. Administrators revealed a new “curricular reinvigoration” project…
