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How To Tell If Your Tinder Date Is Actually Danny DeVito In Drag
By Ryan Fleishman Nov. 13, 2016 Have you ever had a wonderful conversation with someone special over Tinder, and then set up a date at a local café? Did you meet up with…
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How Enthusiastic to Sound on the Phone with Your Parents
By Nico Aldape Aug. 5, 2015 Be happy when you’re talking to them, but not too happy. You want them to do the work of telling you they miss you and want to…
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Gothic Girls Posted Outside Max P To Heighten Gothic Feel
By Mary Vansuch Oct. 17, 2013 University of Chicago’s Student Health Services have announced a new job opportunity for those in its work-study program:“Goth Girl Stationed Outside Max Palevsky,” or “GGSOMPs” for short..…
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Campus Blue Lights form Union
By Jalen Jiang Feb. 20, 2018 A contingent of campus-wide emergency phones voted in favor of forming a union, with 192 of the inanimate steel posts casting ‘YES’ votes over 95 ‘NO’…
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Counterpoint: You Are Crying at a Cheerio
By Morgan’s Sense of Self Awareness Aug. 21, 2016 I’m not going to deny that we live in a male-dominated society which consistently attempts to delegitimize the female experience. However, you are currently…
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I Fundamentally Misunderstood the Concept of Airbnb: An Apology
By Evan Bernstein March 1, 2015 I would like to formally convey my sincerest apologies to Miss Anne Marie Wilson of Marietta, Ohio, for what I assure you was an innocent, albeit fundamental,…
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5,369 Students Mugged at 970 E. 58th Street
By Matthew Goldenberg April 17, 2013 In a shocking spike in the local crime rate, police officials have reported that nearly all 5,000 undergraduate students at the University of Chicago were mugged or…
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Weirdo Humanities Major Shoves Entire Chicago Manual of Style Up His Ass, Again
By Ella Hester Oct. 17, 2017 A third year Weirdo is preparing for his third annual consumption of the Chicago Manual of Style, by way of his asshole. When asked of his methods,…
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Student Wondering How They Can Unsubscribe from “Sad News” Listhost
By Walker King April 27, 2016 After receiving the fourth email this quarter with the subject line “Sad News,” second year Michelle Kang wondered aloud how she might go about unsubscribing from that…
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‘Twas the Night Before Finals
By Teddy Zamborsky Dec. 8, 2014 T’was the night before finals and all the through the dorm Not a student was stirring, trying to keep warm The papers were done, written without a…
