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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Griffin Bonnin Jones, Andrea Zhou

Managing Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Deputy Managing Editor

Vivian Psylos

Layout Editor

Justin Bilenker

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    We ‘Ship Shipping Interns With Shipping Internships

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Daniel Ruttenberg July 31, 2016 Internships for shipping interns, shipped in turn: Chip “Whip” Kipp with Ship Shipping An internship that ships a ship? That ‘ship’s so hip for Chip “Whip” Kipp,…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Low Self-Esteem Developing Tolerance to Paltry Facebook Notifications

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Dan Lastres March 1, 2015 First-year Phillip Bartecki reported Tuesday that the low-quality Facebook notifications he receives no longer lift his spirits the way they used to. “Birthday notifications from old high-school…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    IOP Reserves All Seats at “Increasing Political Participation” Event

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Mark Sands and Anna Newport Feb. 24, 2013 Yesterday’s Institute of Politics panel, entitled “Increasing Political Participation,” discussed means by which members of the general public might better engage in participatory democracy.…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    The Dos and Don’ts of Sorority Recruitment

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Chase Harrison and Yamini Nambimadom Aug. 22, 2017 It’s the moment every girl dreamed of since they were young: Sorority Recruitment at the University of Chicago! The moment when young co-eds have…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Canadians Glad Justin Trudeau Distracts from their Small Population and Cold Climate

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Nico Aldape April 23, 2016 Though he has been in office for over five months now, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau continues to make waves through his embrace of social change and…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    News in Brief: October 16, 2014

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Chicago Shady Dealer Nov. 19, 2014 President Zimmer Seeks Word to Describe the University’s Approach to Education Sources close to the Office of the President reported Friday that Robert J. Zimmer, in…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Excuse me, is this where I email to unsubscribe from your listhost?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Nora Helfand Nov. 10, 2012 Hi. I’m not sure if this is where I go to do this, but could you please take me off your listhost? I’ve already taken measures in…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Maroon.Space adds Story Feature

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Thomas Noriega April 9, 2017 DUE BY APRIL 20THMaroon.Space adds Story FeatureBy Thomas Noriega The University of Chicago’s hot new matchmaking service, Maroon.Space, has provided students with a brand-new way to meet…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Pilgrims Discover Lollapalooza

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By David North, 1620 Jan. 22, 2016 Earlier this week, a group of English separatists fled the hostile religious climate of Europe and happened upon the popular alternative rock music festival, Lollapalooza. The…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Human Cannonball Enters the Canon

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Daniel Moattar May 14, 2014 The Human Cannonball has entered the canon, observers report. The release of The Cannonball has been heralded as “a major event in the world of entertainment” for…

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Read It and Weep

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  • Everyone Saw You Press “No Tip”
  • Study Reveals 90% of Group Project Work Done by One Sad Student
  • Bartlett to Follow Agriculture Department Advice: Meals to Feature Tortilla, Broccoli, and Maybe Chicken
  • Parents Befriend Student’s Least Favorite Professor During Model Class
  • Trump to fire all Via drivers amid government shutdown
  • CTA Transit Bill Stalls Over Whether Chartreuse or Magenta Is Better Name for Line
  • Point: I Want a Situationship / Counterpoint: I Think I’m in Love with Her
  • I only know Jeffrey, WHO THE FUCK IS MARK EPSTEIN?
  • 6 moral systems that say it’s okay for me to work for Raytheon

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