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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Griffin Bonnin Jones, Andrea Zhou

Managing Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Deputy Managing Editor

Vivian Psylos

Layout Editor

Justin Bilenker

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    It’s Cold Outside

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Rygar Flesh-man, Ice Age Jan. 22, 2016 After the application of advanced meteorology techniques to the surrounding environment, weathermen across the world have concluded that it is cold outside. Many are not…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    We Should Reject the Binary

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By by Intel 2.4 GHz Dual Core i7 May 13, 2014 10101000000010000001001011010101001100101101000111010011110010101110100000101100110111000100100011001010001101110000001110010111111100101011110010110011101110000101111000011100011110110110001110001110000010011100100110010000001110100110101100011100001111000001110111001111100000001101111101101011110110000011110010000001111110011000110000010101110011110011010011011011101110011100011001101011100001100100000011011100010001100111000011001011110111001010111011011000011110000100010001100110101011100101011001111011100011111100010101101101111010010001011101011001010101000100011100101100101110110011110011110001100001011000011001001110110011011011001010101000000101100111100001000111101110010111011111011000101111001110000100101011001101101000110010110001100010100110100000000101001101010111001001000111100011011101110101100

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Clueless First Year Finds Himself in Rural Kentucky after Boarding Shuttle Bus

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Sammy Elmasri and Will Jaffe Nov. 11, 2018 First-year Danny Fenton anticipated an expedited trip when he boarded the South Shuttle, but disaster struck as he mistakenly got off at its Kentucky…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Three Million Participate in Civil War Enactment

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Dan Lastres, Virginia 1865 Jan. 30, 2017 Millions of Americans laid down their weapons and made peace today after four years of enacting the Civil War’s greatest and deadliest battles. Participants flocked…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Socratic Dialogue on Memes

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Nico Aldape Nov. 11, 2015 Socrates: Let us move to the concepts of memes, the nature of which, as Apollo wishes, is of optimal dankness. Memes are the form and dankness the…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    List of Under-Appreciated Plagues

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Daniel Betancourt Jan. 24, 2014 10. The Pale Plague, 904-936 – Infecting overbore more than 80% of Europe, the sadly hereditary Pale Plague turned its victims sickeningly pasty and caused them to…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Tincture of the Mind

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Old Dr. Zimzam May 5, 2018  Sponsored

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    12 Things I got from Shower Sex and Only One of Them is Syphilis

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Marlin Figgins Oct. 19, 2016 1. Syphillis 2. A Bald Spot 3. Athlete’s Foot 4. Athlete’s Gooch 5. 4 Other Types of Fungus 6. A Surprisingly Dry Handjob 7. Very Slippery 8.…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    What Are We Splurging on This Week?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Sam Taylor May 26, 2015 1) Inklings, Histories, and Mysteries 2) Hanging out with the gang 3)Carp 4)Sweatshirts with the words “Let’s Hear it for the Boys!” 5) Cheetos Brand Cheetos 6)Stuff…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Parties to look out for in 2013

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Robin Ye Aug. 2, 2013 The brochures promised it all: eternal laughter on the quad, casual, enjoyable studying, and a diverse set of friends assembled from the far regions of the world,…

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Newer Posts 

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  • Bartlett to Follow Agriculture Department Advice: Meals to Feature Tortilla, Broccoli, and Maybe Chicken
  • Parents Befriend Student’s Least Favorite Professor During Model Class
  • Trump to fire all Via drivers amid government shutdown
  • CTA Transit Bill Stalls Over Whether Chartreuse or Magenta Is Better Name for Line
  • Point: I Want a Situationship / Counterpoint: I Think I’m in Love with Her
  • I only know Jeffrey, WHO THE FUCK IS MARK EPSTEIN?
  • 6 moral systems that say it’s okay for me to work for Raytheon

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