UChicago Launches Puppy Killing Prevention Institute, Funded by John D. PuppyKiller
On Monday, The University of Chicago announced the launch of the Institute for the Prevention of Puppy Killing, a research center dedicated to finding alternatives to puppy killing funded by a $100 million donation from John D. PuppyKiller, founder of PuppyKillers, Inc.
Critics immediately flagged what they called a glaring conflict of interest. PuppyKillers, Inc., which dominates 93% of the global puppy-killing market, is notorious for its cutting-edge puppy extermination facilities and lobbying against pro-puppy legislation. Just last week, the company unveiled plans during a shareholder meeting for a new PuppyChipper™ Facility designed to eviscerate puppies 30% more efficiently. John D. PuppyKiller, who is a UChicago trustee, also oversees the UChicago endowment, which is heavily invested in the puppy-killing industry.
The Institute’s creation was announced at a gala, where PuppyKillers, Inc. CEO Rex D’Eville said, “While our legacy is defined by immolating, decapitating, drowning, and otherwise exterminating puppies with maximum prejudice, we recognize the need to change the narrative. We’re exploring the feasibility of potentially considering alternatives—someday.”
University President Paul Alivisatos brushed off concerns about the ethics of accepting this funding. “Our mission to combat puppy killing is only enhanced by working with industry leaders. After all, who better to help find solutions than those most familiar with the problem?” Alivisatos further defended the partnership, emphasizing the University’s dedication to intellectual debate. “We welcome all perspectives—especially those that align with our funding sources,” he said.
The gala also unveiled the institute’s motto: “No More Dead Puppies… Eventually,” sponsored by FurWell Enterprises, a subsidiary of PuppyKillers, Inc. Guests posed with puppies brought in for the event—all of which were later returned to PuppyKillers, Inc. headquarters for unspecified reasons.
Student and activist groups on campus quickly condemned the Institute. “The purpose is to greenwash both PuppyKillers, Inc.’s and UChicago’s reputations,” said Khalil, Executive Director of the Puppy Justice Task Force. “It’s like opening a climate change institute funded by Big Oil, or—wait, they did that too.”
In response, UChicago pledged transparency, announcing a joint Ethical Puppy Research Committee with PuppyKillers, Inc. Initial findings reported that puppy deaths were caused by their poor decision-making, lack of character, and unusually fragile skulls, absolving the company and UChicago of wrongdoing.
