Breaking: PhoenixAI to Shut Down Amid Concerns that Non-Econ Majors are Using It.

Phoenix AI, a well respected and beloved artificial intelligence tool created by the University of Chicago,  is reportedly nearing the end of its lifespan according to an anonymous tip. According to this tipper-offer, the reason for this substantial loss to the field of AI is that the Internal Core Upkeeping Processor (ICUP) detected a lack of students requesting solutions to simple math problems or AI-generated coloring sheets. Furthermore, the tipper-topper-flipper-flopper informed The Dealer that the AI technician preschoolers managing the project eventually came to the conclusion that PhoenixAI was being misused; rather than providing educational assistance to the backbone of the University of Chicago–economics majors– it was instead being asked questions about history, science, and other irrelevant fields of study.

The Dealer reached out to head of AI Engineering, Lucas Skibidison, for  comment: “I like to play with monster trucks and my iPad [sic].”

Many students have expressed dismay at the closure of UChicago’s one and only official AI service. “I don’t know what I’ll do without my on-the-fly drinking buddy,” said fourth-year business economics major Philip Bradstein as he poured an IPA onto his phone screen. Second-year Chad Fratston, meanwhile, yelped, “How will I solve subtraction problems now? I was never taught this!”