Report: Wrong Person Shirtless at Point

PROMONTORY POINT — Keith Phoebewallerbridge (no relation), a student who invited his hot friend to the Point, has “totally lost the gambit,” say friends who were asked along as wingmen. Bystanders report that things appeared to be going well until “some old guy” decided to stand in front of Keith’s picnic blanket and “air out his tits [sic]”.

“To be fair, it was kind of cool how he took off his shirt,” said a friend. “It usually takes me several excruciating minutes to fit my head through my shirt hole. But he did it all in one go, and only with one hand. It was so smooth, it almost made up for the sweat stains.”