Meet the Guy Who Likes Pot so Much He Smokes It in the Hospital

By Daniel Ruttenberg

Oct. 12, 2015

Hey, stoners! Think you’re the head honcho? The pot pro? The marijuana master? Well, Cyrus Bellevue has you beat. This guy takes pothead to the next level. This guy smokes weed in the hospital!

Yeah, that’s right. Cyrus has fibromyalgia, a disease which causes widespread pain all over the body. He spends a good amount of time in the University of Chicago Medical Center. It’s no fun there, with all sorts of stuffy doctor types who can’t loosen up walking around. However, just because Cyrus is bedridden doesn’t mean he ain’t gonna live his life. When his pain is acting up, he gives himself a puff of that sweet, sweet devil’s smoke, and lets his high take control.

You’d think that being sick would keep Cyrus from getting pot, but he makes finding the drugs look easy. The doctors just hand it to him! They don’t even ask this guy for an ID or anything. The pot is just his for the taking! Sometimes he doesn’t even ask for pot — one scream and the doctors run in and give him a long toke until he feels high as a kite.

“This guy takes pothead to another plane of existence,” said his doctor, Karen Heino. “When he needs weed, I’m gonna give it to him, you know, because he’s a living legend. And guess what? I talked to my boss, and I can give it to him 100% legally! Yeah, gfuess it’s some sort of loophole.”

Word of Cyrus’ devotion to the drug has spread across campus. T-shirts reading “Smokin’ with Cy” have been spreading throughout campus, selling like hotcakes.

Anthony Spud, a stoner and fourth-year, praised Cyrus’ claim to the throne of stonderdom.

“As much weed as I smoke, I will always be the second best, forever in Cyrus’ shadow,” said Spud. “But you know? I’m not jealous. Whenever I see Cyrus in his wheelchair with a blunt in his hand, I’m in the company of royalty.”