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Wet Socks Make Students More Productive, Says Designer of the Sidewalk Outside Cobb Hall
The underground reservoir also channels a significant amount of toxic gas into Cobb Café. The water that pools in front of Cobb Hall forms a secret elixir, which once deposited on socks creates…
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The Campus Printer Decides My Essay Is Simply Not Meant to Be
Relationships are based on mutual respect, consistency, and support. For two years, I thought we had that. But last night, when I needed him the most, the campus printer made it clear that…
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Alivisatos to Demolish the “bad parts” of Harper Library for a square-dancing arena
Alivisatos added that the remaining two floors of the building will be suspended from six cranes spaced strategically around Harper Quadrangle. To get to the upper floors, students will need to use a…
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University installs large trapdoor in the Reg that swallows students, Tuition still Rising
What is in the deep, dark abyss?? No one really knows or cares.
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Professor Who Takes Ten Weeks to Grade Papers Shocked by Late Assignment
“Deadlines are sacred,” said Stenton, who has not yet graded the assignments submitted during the Carter administration – the first one. “They teach students discipline, something many of them clearly lack.”
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Study Reveals 90% of Group Project Work Done by One Sad Student
“I knew it!” said third-year student Audrey Smith. Her group member, Brian, was unavailable for comment because he was busy playing Brawl Stars.
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Bartlett to Follow Agriculture Department Advice: Meals to Feature Tortilla, Broccoli, and Maybe Chicken
While most nutrition experts say the meal lacks several important components, like “dairy” and “appropriate portion sizes,” it has found some supporters. Foremost among them is the University’s own Bartlett Dining Commons, which…
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Parents Befriend Student’s Least Favorite Professor During Model Class
“I had never thought of grass growing as being so fascinating!” Eliza gushed as she cleaned Graham’s chalkboard. “And he had never met anyone who found his subject so important and interesting. It…
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Trump to fire all Via drivers amid government shutdown
“I had to go from the Robinstein library to Batchinson Commons. I ordered a Via and it took 20 MINUTES to arrive! UNACCEPTABLE! Illegal immigrants are destroying our own American drivers. Under my…
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Shady Dealer Discovers The Lair
The Lair. Deep below the steam tunnels in Rosenwald Hall, they find where Dean of Admissions Jim Nondorf stores his contraband and concocts his plots. Among his collection are thousands of random pieces of…
