NYT Releases Crumbl: “The Game Where You Watch Your Life Crumble Away”

Following the success of online games like Wordle and Connections, The New York Times has released their newest project, Crumbl: “the game where you watch your life crumble away.”

“It’s simple”, said NYT game developer Bill Squat. “We take all of our users’ personal data—name, address, height, weight, race, ethnicity, date of birth, star sign […] and favorite Jonas Brother—to create a gameplay experience tailored to each user. We wanted to provide our loyal subscribers a one-of-a-kind experience: the chance to pinpoint the exact second where their life turned to shit. Playtesters are blown away, and have walked away with a profound sense of hopelessness as they realize how bad they fucked up.”

A Shady Dealer reporter was given early access to test the game. “It’s a truly harrowing experience, and not even in a good way,” said the chickenshit staffer who wished to remain anonymous. “It really punctures the blissful ignorance and impossible hope that things could get better. It forces you to confront the cold light of day and accept your miserable little fate for what it is. Why did I make any of the decisions I did? What the fuck have I done with myself. Why did I decide to write for this stupid publication? I can’t wait to play again tomorrow!”

The game is projected to attract thousands of new users to the Times’ games, none of whom have ever read any of their articles. Crumbl will reset daily with a new puzzle at 3:00 am, right as you go to bed. It will now take users around 30 minutes to complete all of the Times games – 45 minutes if they really fucked up.