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Seven Signs Your Roommate’s Parents Definitely Have a Wikipedia Page
They use “network” as a verb. “I had a great time with you tonight. How about we reconvene and rendezvous for a little networking sesh at Nobu next week?” This is not a…
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Five Ways to Avoid the Mysterious Wizard Who Wants to Turn You Into a Dove
It’s the quintessential UChicago experience: there’s a scary wizard staring at you from the topmost window of the I-House tower. He leaps out of the window and chases you across the quad on…
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Coming to Disney+ in 2027: The Unbelievable True Story of the Man Who Trained Birds to Sell Opioids
Disney+ has yet to release the series, but the Washington Post has already called it “unexpected” and “probably a financial disaster,” adding that “the line of McDonald’s Happy Meal toys containing actual opioids…
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Breaking: Your New Student Government
The Student Government elections are over, and the Shady Dealer has the scoop on the winners! In other news, we got arrested for breaking into the office of the Elections and Rules committee,…
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The Bachelor Final Rose to Go to Living Windmill That Speaks Exclusively in Plane Puns
Sources from ABC had claimed that the ending of The Bachelor would not be spoiled, but Reality Steve strikes again! The gossip blog has revealed that this season’s final rose will go to…
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Thanksgiving Explained by an International Student
So first they roast a turkey, right, and then sometimes they put other birds inside the turkey and roast those too, and they call it a turduckoose or a turchicken or something. And…
